chinese is outta my life!

yes siree..it's OUT.
ok.so i'll start from yesterday...
chinese Os yesterday.
it was ok.
always has been.
maybe because i can NEVER read the passages in the paper..
so again it was all guessing and gut feeling.
right now i have a feeling i failed the paper.

so sandra told me the story of the parent-teacher meeting.
she was after me.
during my session ms a. lim kept walking outside.
freaked me out.
i thought she wanted to say sth to my mum.
thank god that wasn't the case.
she went for sandra's instead.

and ms lim spoke to her dad in CHINESE!
mind you...it was CHINESE.
and her chinese is basically crap.
i thought i was bad until i met her. lol =)
sandra said most of the time she went "tui tui tui".
( for those chinese-illiterate it means right right right)
sandra and mrs lim and to do the translation most of the time.
san's dad really put ms lim on the spot.
like really. he kept going huh?
amusing.

i think mrs lim found ms lim trying to speak chinese amusing too.
(come on..ms lim can't speak chinese for nuts. qin shi huang became qin huang di. AND even that sounded all funny and wrong when she said it. teresa and i were trying desperately not to laugh during geog.)
from what i heard mrs lim was also trying hard not to laugh when ms lim spoke in chinese.
wish i was there to watch them.
i would have laughed my head off.

btw..my mum thougt ms lim was sandra's mum.
hahahaha =)

had geog lessons today.
and my phone kept vibrating in my bag!
it was sooo loud.
or maybe we were all reading and that's why the class was so quiet.
any case, it was LOUD.
even the people in front heard it.
i think ms lim did too.
but she didn't say anything.
HOWEVER...she did ask me to answer her question after that.
and i was too busy thinking about my phone to pay attention to the question.
so i basically screwed up.
oh wells...it didn't really matter.
but i FREAKED.

the lesson itself was quite ok.
we're STILL stucked at agriculture.
move on already alright?
it's not like any of us are going to be farmers.
lesson was on high-tech farming in singapore.
hydroponics and aeroponics.
learnt all about those.
IPO, advantages, disadvantages, government support, etc etc etc..

ms lim bought some locally grown vegetables to show us.
SPECIAL veg. grown using hydrop. and aerop.
had a funny name though. red frisee.
she tried it and i was like NO! you can't just eat it like that! it's not washed! not clean!
and she's like it's quite clean. look! no soil!
in the red frisee goes, down her throat into her tummy.
it's not bad know..wanna try? hmm? anybody?
ewwwwwwww.
i mean it was straight out the bag from the supermarket!
not washed!
think about all the creepy-crawlies that have been there.
revolting.

ah wells.
time passed quickly during geog.
but we had MORE homework.
like we haven't got enough already.
and peeps, if you have yet to go into the learning portal thingy,
go check it out. we have TONS of homework.





it's because of people like you that people like me need medication.
- taken from the tee ms lim wore today.

things are never what they seem.

no one wanted dinner last night so my parents and i went to sentosa for coffee bean.
thought it would be a good night for us.
finally spending some time together.
how wrong i was.

it was really late.
we were the only ones there.
coffee bean was already closed...but we were outdoors so it didn't matter.
everything that i have kept within me for the past couple of years started coming out.
tears started flowing too.

somehow or rather the conversation topic became my studies.
after my report book was reviewed
unrest started brewing.

they were ok with it.
not much comments.
i wasn't.
i wasn't pleased at all.
somehow i just started telling them how they treat my brother and i when it comes to studies.
he is always the best.
the one whom they put so much hope on.
the one whom they push to study hard.

it's the total opposite for me.
they never push me.
never.
maybe because they think i'm dumb and all.
i've got to admit i was slow when i was younger.
maybe that's why they don't expect so much from me.

it because of that that i put so much pressure on myself.
becasue of that that i work so hard.
what for?
to prove that i'm am just as good as my brother.
to make them proud of me.
to have them put some hope on me.

i don't work for myself.
it has always been for them.
if it's for myself i won't really care.

my mum says that she doesn't push me cuz she knows i'm disciplined.
but where did that come from?
from the fact that she has no faith in me.
from the fact that she think i'm not good enough.
i know that if i don't push myself no one will do that for me.
when that happens i will be what they think i am:
not good enough.

you say it's not fair to you when i say something like that.
but is it not true?
you are always telling him that he is better than me.
that he is talented and smart....unlike me.
and you say that in front of me.
how do you think i feel?!

when i stepped into secondary school it was a new beginning for me.
i had 4 years to prove that i am just as good as he is.
when he was in sec 1 he got 5th in class.
it was a BIG deal.
when i got 5th in class in sec 1 it was not a very big deal after all.

your actions says it all.
it's through little things like this that makes me feel inferior.

you say you've alway been proud of me.
you just don't push me because i'm a girl.
because i'm more sensitive.
bullshit.
he has always been the one to receive praises.
him. not me.

all i ask for is you to have a little bit more hope in me.
is that too much to ask?
it obviously is.


i want to be treated like him.
you push him to study.
so why can't you do that for me too?
because i'm matured to do it on my own?
because i know right from wrong?
because i'm independant?
if that's the case then i'd rather not be all that.

i'm all that because i've struggled.
struggled so hard to be noticed.
struggled so hard to make you proud of me.
you say you have always been proud of me.
but why don't i see it?

it may sound stupid wanting to be pushed.
but i do.
because through that i know that you put hope in me.
that you care.

i'm every bit as worthy as my brother.
maybe even more worthy.
i'm the one who goes all way out to make you happy.
not him.

you say he's being pushed cuz he has the responsibility of supporting you in the future.
you say i won't have much time for you after i'm married.
i'll have my own family to support.
let just see who will be the one who supports and takes care of you when you're old and wrinkled.
me or him.

if you don't want to put responsibility on me then fine.
he can have full responsibility in the future.
we'll see where that leads.
i won't be bothered.
i couldn't care less.

then you say whatever you have done is not appreciated.
i appreciated it.
but do you see?
have you ever?
never.

you say that when you are upset and all there is no one to turn to.
there's me.
but of course you don't notice.
i may be young.
but i'm matured.
but you obviously don't notice a thing.

i want to be appreciated too.
showering me with material gifts hold no meaning for me.
the mean nothing.
nothing at all.

i'm always the one who is always there when you needed me.
am i only good for such stuff?
not good enough to put hope on and depend on?
not good enough to be proud of?

one day when we're all grown up and he doesn't care for you -
not that he does now anyways -
when your hopes of being supported by him are dashed,
i will still be here.
still here waiting for you to depend on.
to be proud of.
when that time comes i want you to remember how proud of him you were.
and never putting much hope on me.
i won't hold it against you.
never will.

i love you.
and i just want to be loved in return.



chinese O-levels tomorrow.
i want to do well.
i haven't started stuying though.
i must do well to prove my worth.





someday..
maybe someday you will be proud of me.
someday i'll prove myself worthy.

something is wrong with me...

and i have absolutely no idea what that is.
i've not been myself these few days.
i've been withdrawing myself from everything.

life is one big masquerade.

life took a turn today.
i laughed.
REALLY laughed.
i laughed so hard my tummy hurt.
i would have rolled on the floor if there weren't so many people around.

then came the part where i don't even know why i'm laughing so hard.
it wasn't even that funny.
it was kinda stupid actually.

maybe i was desperate.
maybe i wanted to laugh so badly.
maybe i forgot was it was like to laugh till my sides hurt.

then i asked myself what's so funny?
why am i even laughing at something like that?
it was lame. right?
at that point i just wanted to cry.
but i continued laughing to convince myself that i am happy.

i'm wearing a mask.
but it's not only me.
everyone else is.

why can't anyone see?
maybe if we all remove that mask,
stop putting on that brave front,
maybe only then can we be truely happy.

we act according to what we think is expected of us.
we do that so frequently.

so much so that we lose ourselves at times.

maybe we are just afraid to be vulnerable.

most of us (or at lease for myself) arrived to where we are today by becoming actors of our own lives.
somehow or rather,
i feel that i have reached a point where i can no longer tell if the version of myself that i present to the world is fake or the genuine article.

i seem all happy and jumpy and loud,
but i'm not sure if its genuine.
i somehow think that these false appearances are driven by fears and needs.
the fear of being unaccepted.
the fear of being alone.
the fear of being me.
the need to be accepted.
the need to feel loved.
the need to be well-liked.

despite the acting,
i am not what i want to be.
i do not feel what i want to feel.
maybe i'm doing it all wrong.
or maybe it's just me.

we are all faking it.
our lives are bogus.
just a play...
in which we are all actors.
and very bad ones too.
the world's a stage.
literally.
i am wearing a mask.
you too are wearing masks.
we are all imposters.

we are all actors in a never-ending soap opera.

why do we try so hard to be accepted?
to be accepted by someone who is also a fake?
just like you are.

we are all not who we appear to be, or who we want to be.
who am i?
that's a question without an answer.
it only raises more questions.
maybe i am not the one to answer this question.
the question needs an answer.
but who's to answer it?

i need to find myself.
i want to be who i really am.
not who i'm expected to be.
i want to find me before i lose me.
but where do i start?

i might just be suffering from depression.
i'm constantly on the verge of tears.
i cry for absolutely no reason at all.
maybe i'm crying over being me.

i want to stop crying.
but i just can't seem to.
what am i even crying over?!
why am i feeling miserable when there is nothing to be miserable about?
or is there?

there is no one to talk to.
even if there is i don't know where to start.
what am i even going to talk about?
i don't even know what's wrong with me.

i'm not me.
but nobody sees it.
i look normal.
i act normal.
i'm comforting and worried about others.
but shouldn't i be more worried about myself?




pleading, but no one's listening.
everyone hears.
but no one listens.

i don't see no beacon of light.

e.math paper came out today.
i knew i fucked up.
i knew.
i told myself i won't cry when i get the paper back.
i didn't.

i just got really quiet.
really quiet.
mrs lim thought i was in a daze cause of my results.
yes. she was refering to me.

i wasn't in a daze.
i just had a lot of stuff going though my head.
i was begging myself not to cry.
trying really desperately not to cry.
holding back so much tears.
i was choking.
i was suffocating.
i was asphyxiated.

i started feeling dizzy.
feeling like my world was crashing down on me.
holding back tears was painful.
i refuse to cry.
i told myself i had to be strong.
i got a headache from all that holding back.
i felt like i was going to explode.
blow up into bits.

there was still drama after school.
pretending that i was normal for another 3 hours was a torture.

pretending that i was having fun.

smiling.

laughing.

but i really didn't want to cry.

not in front of anyone.

not anymore.

i broke down almost as soon as i stepped into the house.
i couldn't take it anymore.
i felt like i was just going to snap if i pretended any longer.
i cried till i threw up.
never knew i could cry so hard.
but i guess this is what you get from holding back tears for a day.
it's what you get for trying to be strong.

nobody knows how upset i was.

it is not ok.
so stop telling me it is.
it's not just mid-years.
it meant a lot to me.

from the 1st in class last year to the 23rd now.
from a A1 to a C6.
you have absolutely no idea how much this means to me.
you do not know how it feels.
its just NOT ok.

it's supposed to be my best subject.

my only hope.

the only class i look forward to in school.

the only subject i loved so much.

the only subject i put my heart and soul into.

but what now?

im confused.
im upset.
im a failure.
im pathetic.
i hate being me.
i just hate me.
i hate myself.

there is no hope.
it does not exist in my life.
no beacon of light.
everything anyone had said is bullshit.


you might think it childish.
to cry over results.
to cry over spilt milk.

but this means a lot to me.

it not only mid-years.
it's 2 exams before the o-levels.
the Os are my last chance to prove myself.
to prove that i am worthy.
and finally,
to make my parents proud of me.

that dream seems so far away.
and it's continuing to drift away.







why is this happening to me?
why is the lord slamming the door in my face?
why me?

this post is for dearest alex.

(and those who are in a dilema or hurt due to love)

cheer up babe.
it's not worth it.........trust me. just this 1 time.
this is going to be 1 very cliched post but just think about it alrights?

you love him.

but does he feel the same way?
from what you tell me, he's not worth it.
not worthy of your love, your heart, and definately not your tears.
you were never known to be one who will cry......over anything.
not friends.
not results.
not arguements.
never a boy.

i want my old friend back.
the bright cheery insane friend.
the one who laughs and smiles despite anything and everything.

the one who makes me laugh when i cry.
the one who never tolerates any shit.
the one who will never put up with a boy who hurts her.

where is she?

right.
so you may think i'm saying this cause i'm not you.
you're right. i'm not.

im not trying to be your best friend either.
but i do know 1 thing.......he wouldn't be hurting you like this if the love was real.
he's not worth your tears babe.

if he can bring himself to say that you are better off without him,

then maybe you are.

if you really love something,
let it go.
if it comes back,
it's yours.
if it doesn't,
it never really was in the first place.

like you said,
maybe he thinks you're not good enough.
but i say,
maybe he's wrong.
you try to change.
but isn't he supposed to accept you as you are if he loves the real you?

no one will ever be good enough.

what is good enough?
how good is good enough?

good enough will never be good enough.
im taking a HUGH risk here by saying this.
but only because you are my friend.
what if you're never good enough?

honestly babe,
you deserve so much better.

i know people say "love like you'll never be hurt".
and you did.
but what happens now that you are hurt?

i was never one to patiently pick up broken fragments,
and glue them together again,
and tell myself that the mended whole was as good as new.
what is brokened is brokened ---
and i'd rather remember it as it was at its best,
then mend it and see the broken places as long as i lived.

i won't dream about telling you what to do.

you make your own choices.
but just think about this;
would you stay, knowing life would be a little worse?
or would you cut and run?

i know you love him.
but nothing is worse than unrequited love.
sure you've had your happy times.
but how many times have you cried over him?
cried alone, when no one's around?
does he know?
i hope not.
cause if he does, and still not change, he ought to be shot.

and YOU.
i won't even bother typing your name. you're not worth it.
you kidnapped my friend. her heart.
you made her believe you loved her.
she loved you in return like a fool.
instead of treasuring her,
u hurt her. real bad.
you don't deserve her. really.
calling you a jerk will be an insult to all jerks in the world.

i want my old friend back.

there are many people who love and care for you alex.

your parents love you.
your friends love you.
those animals in your house love you.
i love you too.
so please...if you're so upset, don't continue to torture yourself.

just be happy.
even if you stay with him, be happy.
love you babe. <3

what is the world coming to?

can someone please enlighten me?
is being a TWIT the next big thing?
no?
THEN WHY THE FUCK DO I SEE THEM ALL AROUND?!

went to macs with jill ning niq n lea.
saw that group of 3 st pat's boys again.
they are always there. they go there to shoot ice at people.
sec 1s.
we were their targets today.

fuck.

niq shot ice back.
hit one of them on the head.
but NO......they do NOT get the clue.
but fuck.
how incivilised can people get?
a bag of TWITS.

(i was just wondering. if they were at Macs then some village is deprived of their idiot.)

u want attention?
i'll fucking give it to you.
all you fucking need to do is open your fucking mouths n fucking ask!

acting like you don't have a tinge of morals in your blood.
even barbarians do not act like you.
childish.
you have absolutely no idea how stupid you look.
think it's very cool?
THINK AGAIN.

if you've got nothing better to do go fart peas at the moon.
i bet you only have 1 brain cell and it's fighting for dominance.

i'm not going to stoop so low to your level alright?
GROW UP.

you KIDS are an embarrassment to the entire human race.
having you in the world is like having rubber lips on a woodpecker.
you deserve to be shot.
SHOT.
though im against cruelty to animals,
i'll forgive whoever who shoots you.

you're not a HE. you're an IT.

when god created you guys,
even he had to admit he makes mistakes.

i really don't get why people do such dumb stuff.
especially the 3 of you.
i'd like to see things from your point of view, but i can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.

perhaps your whole purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others.
but don't feel bad........i'm sure there are other people with no talent.

every human has a right to be spastic.
you just abused the priviledge sucker.
and please twit.....learn from your parents' mistake. use birth control.
not that you'll get much chance to sleep around with that ugly face of yours.
do you still love nature despite what it did to you?
i bet u guys have dicks the size of peanuts.

we know you can't live without our attention.....we'll pay for the funeral.
you have a damn face only a mother could love......and i bet she hates it!

so why don't you guys GET A FUCKING LIFE?!
if i want any shit out of you i'll squeeze your god damn head.
if you wanna act like such an ass, just don't be too insulted when people ride you eh kiddo?




what is the world coming to?!

F.A.T.

that is the word i dread.
the letters i despise.

right..so i've been pigging out.
i mean REALLY pigging out.

for the past 3 days (or maybe more..i wont say) i've been eating A LOT.
i mean, hey..i cant help it eh?
i juz eat.
i should have stayed anorexic when i was in pri 4.
ok maybe not..it was awful.
really wanting to eat but finding food revolting.

i need to lose weight.
but how?!
only god knows. please have mercy on this poor girl.
i dun wanna be looked down upon in society.

i don't get people these days.
so what if someone is fat? or so they say.
it's an opinion of theirs.
even if it's a fact so what?
not that someone who weighs more is less capable.
some people should just fuck off and mind their own business.

its because of these people that people like me feel pressured.
in a world of perfection and skinny people,
where acceptable means looking like a stick,
people like me are being pushed out of society.
we have practically no right to live.
we are being dehumanized by these "perfect" people.

what the fuck.
im ballooning slowly.
i plan to be 50kg or less by july.
thats 3.5kg to lose.
great.
and i've just announced my weight to the entire world.
just great....
well done me.

i have no idea why i'm saying such stuff.
i'm not that fat actually....... or so i say.
am i?
who cares?
it's my life.
if you're not happy you can jolly well fuck off.




i despise society.
ditto for a materialistic world.


hey..looks who's talking =)
materialistic girl.

home alone.

yup...home alone again.
my parent just flew off this morn.
i wanted to see them off but was too lazy to get up to go to the airport.
i mean really...i wanna sleep in.
its the 1st day that im actually breathing in 3 miserable weeks.

feel like hibernating today.
(bet alex has been on a hibernating misson since wed. lol.)
but i'll feel bad if i do.
its a pretty day=)
going to east coast later.

im broke. spent $80 in 3 days.
n i have absolutly no idea what i spent it on.
gonna get yelled at at the end of this month when my mum checks my account.

she'll demand an explaination and i'll have abosolutely no idea as to what im gonna say.

im exhausted.
i juz wanna rot and die.
really. im tired of being tired.

Tired......by Jerine

Tired of being tired,
The feeling is just so dire.
Overcomed with exhustion,
My mind is put through contortions.

I've grown tired and weary
My eyes are worn and bleary.
Mind clouded with worry,
I can't help but feel sorry.

I have to take a little nap,
Or like a taut rubber band
I'll very soon snap.
Acting weird or like a man,
Talking to the window or my hand.

Valerie Jerine Teresa and Sandra,
Doing a little chemistry
With banging wailing stomping and dancing,
We'll very soon be HIS-TOR-Y.

With my life in a wreck,
I'll very soon be on crack.
I hope this is just a passing phase,
Or i'll soon set myself ablaze.


ok...my 1st attempt at poetry writing.
i know its not very good but its not THAT bad.

it says val teresa sandra and i cuz before the chem paper val was like if i start banging on the table half-way, u will wail, teresa will stomp and sandra can dance.

lol...imagine that.

index numbers 37, 38, 39 & 40 being coconuts=)

im looking forward to school actually.
just school. NOT stress.
i could use a little rest eh?





loves..

i am a prophet of doom.

really...i am.
for those who needs defination:
"a person who is always foretelling ruin, destruction, misfortune, etc..."

right. so my previous post on monday talked about how god slams doors of opportunities and happiness in my face.
he did it. again. yeaterday.
my door was e. math. rights.
i totally flung my fucking paper 2!
fuck. its a confirm fail thing considering half my paper was practically blank.
n i didn't even draw my graph 4 section 2. got like 1/12 for that section.

fuck. that was my best subject.
my only hope of getting an A1.
now its gone.
see? He slammed the door INTO my face. when i least expected it.
i cried like shit when i came home yesterday. just couldn't stop thinking bout it.
im depressed.
on the way home i told niq not to save me if a truck comes charging towards me again.

so yes. i had absolutely no mood to study for today's papers.
a. math 2 was hard shit.
3/4 of the fucking paper was on trigo.
gen owes me a BIG one.
she was supposed to teach me circles in radian.
i knew how to do that circle qn. but only the bottom.
but i didn't do it cuz i needed ans frm the fucking top.
that girl didn't teach me that.

but i still love that babe.
she helped me loads during this 2 weeks.
but i did the same.

so there's still 2 more papers but all MCQs..
so im basically free.
this a one LAME post.

exams are like over=)
felt these 2 weeks lated FOREVER.
i feel like a liberated Negro now...free at last.
i can breathe!






im tired of my life.
im tired of me.
im tired of being tired.
im..........tired.

cliche? i call it BULLSHIT.

people say that when one door of happiness closes, another opens.
but often at times we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.

this is NOT always true.
more often than not, when i am looking forward to something, god slams the door in my face.
when that happens, im stunned.
(why is He doing this to me? will it be the same when i go to heaven? will i even go to heaven?)
i go around in search of another door that will take me in.
do i see one? NO.
even if i do, it is often out of reach.
or something dark and mysterious. like its gonna swallow me...

so i am trapped in a room all alone, surrounded by closed doors.
everyone is on the other end.
im trying soooo desperately to get there.
instead, im pushed by some fucking "invisible force".
its driving me to a lonesome corner.
forcing me to be alone.
the pain that is inflicted upon me is not understood.

im drifting further and further.
and there is no one to save me.
on one can hear my cries.
im all alone in this empty world of mine.





im depressed.
desperate.



help......

my fucking neighbours are ANNOYING.

some people just do NOT know how to fuck off and mind their own business.
are u so bored with your own lame life that u have to interfere and meddle with mine?
GO AWAY.
don't test my limits.
you put a toe out of the line n im sending you to timbaktu.
so just fuck off alright?

its MY house. not yours. not ours. MINE.

my fucking neighbour is being fucking annoying.
what has my putting the bicycle outside MY house has to do with you?!
you say its obstructing the passage. invalide reason.
it is soooo not blocking the way to your ugly door.

so after i say its an invalid reason u say its unsightly.
my arse lah..
so when i dun like the sight of your shoes outside your house do i complain?
(even though i want to)
NO.
so if i do not say anything about your ugly cheapskate shoes then u had BETTER SHUT THE FUCK UP.

u just moved in loser.
my bike had been there since the day i shifted in...which is like what? 6 years ago?
u are just jealous that even the EXTERIOR of my house looks better than the exterior of yours.
i bet the interor of your house can't even be compared to the exterior of mine.
n u copied the design of the exterior of MY house.
all u need is an ORIGINAL painting n your house will b the clone of mine.
but i doubt u are capable of that.
CHEENA family.

so fuck off.
if u are sooo unhappy about the bike come talk to ME. not management.
2 guys from the management just came to say you complained again.
i am NOT afraid. those 2 guys can't even out-talk me.
it was cool...i argued till the were speechless.
so come talk to me.
r u scared to take on a 16 year old?!

(in fact i'll only turn 16 in november...so im technically 15)
just STOP being a PEST.





annoyed......

uncilvilized piece of shit.

some people are just so uncivilised.
its like their parents never taught them anything.
its the parents i pity though.
ok. maybe not. its partly their fault anyways.

i've got nth to do now and im not studying 4 geog paper 1 tmr. juz remembered this. so i decided to blog again.
alex, niq n i went to Macs aft the geog paper 2 today. met jie lin n jill at the bus stop. jill went with us.

right. so there were these 2 pingyi sec boys in front of us where i was sitted.
n one of them SPAT! on the floor!
i didnt see it..thank god.
but alex n niq had to tell me. i was all grossed out.
alex was right. i would have screamed if i did.
or maybe make him lick it back up. ewwww.....

i mean honestly!
how can people be soooo uncivilized, so unhygienic, so disgusting, so inconsiderate
(and the list can go on..trust me)
all at the same time?!
ugh!

then they made a lot of noise or sth...so alex "tsk" them.
they turned around..n u shld have seen..
we juz STARED back.
i mean i wouldn't normally do that but they were soooo uncivilized!'
acting like wild kids.
barbarians.

after they left this couple came to the back immediately n went to sit at the seat the boys were at!
YUCK!
jill was like " i wouldn't sit there if i were u."
they didn't hear though.
we tried to warn them....

oh yea...i almost got killed by a truck today.
walking to 14 bus stop.
was deep in my thoughts.
didn't see an oncoming truck.
niq called me n only then did i see the truck coming closer.
but i was already in the middle of the road.
if u think some gorgeous guy came to save me...no such luck.
i walked backwards instead of rushing across.

can u believe it?! it was soooo dumb!
who on earth turns around n walk back when they are about to get killed?

monique has saved me 3 times so far. in 2 years.
think about it.
i nearly got killed 3 fucking times.
but she didn't save me when i walked into the door at Macs last year.
but thats another story for another time.
only if u wanna hear that is....
but its hilarious=)
monique thinks she's going to heaven for saving me so many times.
fat chance love..
lol=)

k..2h 15min. writing not stop at a high constant speed. with occasional acceleration. go calculate the amount of energy used.
think about that question.

ponder over it.

might help in the next math or physics paper.

but physics is over..prelims maybe.

i was panicking lyk crazy b4 the paper.

didn't really study.

had an anxiety attack last night or sth.

couldn't sleep n i started crying.

swear i nearly cried in the canteen b4 the geog paper.

but i wrote lyk shit n prayed sooo hard.

god keeps me sane.

He does.

the GR qn was 8 marks n i wrote 3 paragraphs. failed that qn i think.

flunked the part with 8 marks. 25 marks for 1 qn.

go calculate the probability of me passing.

lol..think im gg crazy.

math. driving me insane. maybe it was this morning's math paper.

andrea's nuts..i mean that coconut can actually afford to STONE during e geog paper.

if that's not enough she starts staring at me n monique.

we're like huh?! but no time to stare back.

it would have been fun though. no offence but that girl is sooo wierd!

she even has time to comb n re-tie her hair...looks the same in the end though.

aft the paper outside the hall monique n i were outside the hall waiting 4 alex.

heard andrea say "i cant finish the paper! die! no time!"

no shit sherlock. i wonder why...

come on..if ppl like us who study n write non-stop can barely finish the paper how can she finish it when she stones, stares n tie her hair?!

i mean GET REAL...

elementary mathematics. paper 1.
had it today too.

see?! 2 hard papers in a day.

ugh! the front was easy. then SUDDENLY it became difficult.

not gradually. but SUDDENLY!

many qns were left blank.

there goes my A1.

maybe if everyone does badly i can top the class again...lol=)

but i wanna do it again.

the joy i felt when i topped the class in e math last year.

undescribable. it was like WHOA! loves it. =)

ok. now im being insensitive. ah fuck all..im happy=)

geog paper 1 tmr. stupid.

im gg to sch at 10 tmr just to do 40 multiple choice qn.

1hr 15min.

8 down 8 more to go.