awful...

i feel awful.
i've been aching for 2 days already all thanks to geog.
my back hurts like shite from sitting in the same bent over position for 2h 30min for e.math and 2h15min for geog.
and in the midst of the geog paper my hand got crammed.
like what the hell?!
i'm trying my hardest to write as fast as i can non-stop in a race against time and my hand wasn't cooperating.


prelims are soon over.
two more days darlings :)

and i can now prove studying before hand is rubbish.
studying the day before is the best.
studied physics on tues and after all the e.math, a.math and whole lot of geog, i forgot all my physics.
rubbish is what the adults, who have supposedly gone through it all, tell us.


broke down yesterday.
i'd rather call it stress relief.
i'm just so tired mentally, physically and emotionally.

and my mum, being as unsympathatic as ever came into my room found me crying and scolded me.
like fuck la...
i don't need you to scold me.
i didn't fucking do anything wrong.
if you don't understand just leave me alone!
and she claims to know me so well.


grad night soon.
i have yet to get my shoes.
i still need a place to do my hair.
but i dunno how i want it.
the whole world is goona get curls.

right now i'm just really confused.
there are so many things going on in my life.
i'm like this stranger watching my life from afar,
wanting to do something.
something out of reach.

i don't know what the world wants from me,
or what i have to offer.

sometims i think i'm just this depressed kid whome nobody sees.
maybe i just cover up my emotions too well.
that mask i want to put down,
but is stucked with such frequent use.

i was afraid to be vulnerable.
still am.
but now i want to be.
i want that mask no more.

see me for the real me.
for who i am.
not what i appear to be.

i'm getting sick and tired of being me.



those who are faithful know only the trival side of love.
it is the faithless who know love's tragedies.

yea...and they make the lives others lead a tragedy too.