things go both ways.

and you still don't get it.

friendship works both ways.
give and take.

we've had our fair share of fun and laughter, laughing till our sides hurt.
things were wonderful before you needed to be the centre of everything.
the world had to revolve around you.

if you want to read this do it with an open mind.
if you'll rather not, then don't read it at all.
i'm only writing this entry to let you know how i feel since the confrontation didn't work.
you wanted to avoid it, you chose to run away.

first things first to clear up misunderstandings.
the fact that i'm pissed is not solely attributed to the "Ctrl C and Ctrl V".
a number of things led to it, and ultimately how you reacted during that confrontation when i tried to make things better.

note, here, that the word tried is essential.

what's with taking and not sharing?
when you want something you have to get it.
but you don't share what you've got.
mind you, i'm not the first to notice this.

take the pictures for example.
god knows how many times you've said you'll send it.
when i asked you oh-so-nicely and all,
all i got was a disgruntled grunt before you turned away.
what was that supposed to mean?

though we're friends we still need our own space.
you don't need to have everything someone else has.
on the keeping quotes,
i wanted to keep memories and fill up my notebook.
i have my own.
i only asked for fran's cause i didn't keep last year's.

then i learnt you wanted it too.

i'm not saying that you're doing what i am.
sometimes it's ok not to have everything.
why do you need to have everything someone else does too?

as for the blog thingy,
i appreciate that you found the it funny.
but you don't need to copy and paste it into your blog right?
i mean even if you want to write about the same things you can write it your style right?
the whole thing in paragraphs and not the whole : thingy.
i mean you used to do everything in paragraphs.

besides, some/most of the things didn't happen to you.
so why are you putting my life up on your blog?
i'm not asking you to stay out of my life or anything.
it's just that since it's on why blog why do you have to rip it off and put it on yours?

because many people read your blog and you feel the need to know everything or provide entertainment?
you're not a hub and certainly do not need to be the centre of everything.

everyone has their own style of writing.
yours and mine are different, though not one is better than the other.
if i don't want something of my own then i might as well not have a blog.
i might as well just contribute to yours.

sure you are entitled to blog about the same things i do.
i don't care if the content is a replica.
but don't you think ripping is a little too much?

and the thing is you know i'm pissed with you.
but you still went ahead with it.
i mean isn't it more than a little obvious that i was kinda pissed with you?

and you know i don't like it,
know that i'm not gonna be very happy about it.

and when i saw the paragraph before the last time you ripped my entry,
the whole thing about you knowing that i'm gonna be pissed,
that i'm gonna hate you,
i thought you got the message and i thought that was i form of apology.

but i thought wrong.
apology is obviously too difficult for you.
i scrolled down and saw part of my entry there again.

if you know you'd make things worse,
then why did you still do it?!

because your blog is more important than your friends?
because you thought i was joking when i say i'm pissed?

it's not that i'm taking things too seriously,
but i just don't like it.
i'm sure you have things you personally don't like too.
i mean sometimes there are things that we don't like at all,
and these come without explainations.

"to each his own"

don't you think it's a little too selfish to keep thinking of yourself and neglect the feelings of others?

and that whole "tiao" thing on your blog.
isn't it always the case where LITTLE factors lead to GREATER factors if not addressed?
and that "tiao" thingy that i really don't understand.
if you want to address someting to me do it in a way i'll understand.

hokkian slangs stump me.
i don't understand them.
if you wanna address something to me,
english would be preferable.

i can play, laugh, joke and have fun with you.
and more often than not,
due to my whole light-hearted don't care, play-first-think-later attitude,
people think i'm joking with them even when i'm dead serious.

and what's with hypocrisy?
it is known to the world that you don't like her.
and you announce it like it's nothing wrong with hating her guts since your primary schools days.
from what i see, its nothing wrong too.

until you start acting against your words.

i mean it's normal to hate someone.
it's normal to pretend to be nice to that person when she initiates conversation.
but what i don't get is you striking up conversation,
and even inviting her to sit with the both of us befoere tutorials.

but then again,
you are entitled to do what you deem fit without having to justify your actions.
maybe it's just me, but hypocrisy like this is so wrong.

"fake friends are better than open enemies"
maybe that's something you live by.
that's your choice and has absolutely nothing to do with me.
besides, who am i to tell you what to do?

and know how you always go "pang seh!" when we leave without you?
but the thing is you do it more often than you realise too.
how is it that the whole world has to wait for you, and you can just leave because you feel like it?

and that attention that you're seeking.

with your boyfriend and all.

it's not working.

and making youself sound oh-so-pathetic is not gonna evoke any sympathy.

at least not from me.

when we first started hanging out,
there are many people who told me that you are not what you may seem.
in fact, they stll tell that to me today.

they know that i don't really listen.
that i do what i think is right.
so they don't try to impose their thoughts on me.
but they warned me anyway.

they know i wasn't going to stop being friends with someone because they've got a bad impression of her.
so they told me not to be too trusting.
that you have to be the centre of the world.
and that you're afraid of losing out.
and the very worse,
that you are cunning.

i dismissed all these "advise".
dismissed them out of hand,
tossed them out of my head.
i wanted to see for myself without being blinded by prejudice.

i told people that you're nice.
thanked them, but still trusted my own feelings.

i'm not one who forgives and forgets all THAT easily.
but i don't like to hold on to grudges.
after some time of being pissed off and annoyed,
i'll realise how difficult and tiring it is to be angry with someone and hate her.

take cherly lim, cherlie and teressa jayne for example.
they annoy the fucking shit out of me,
but i still tell people that they're nice.
i still believe that there's goodness in them, in their own ways.

i still like you, still do.
just that you have to know when to draw the line.
especially when someone is pissed.
and me of all people considering my temper.

and i hardly think poeple joke about being pissed do they?

who likes to be pissed and angry and go round snapping at people all day?
you think i'm so wonky thinat i find pleasure in that?!
i certainly don't find kicks in that.

i'm not the kind who likes to stir trouble and get myself all upset.
i don't like that feeling one bit.
you have no idea how i jump for joy for one good day.

whatever is over is over.
but i can't keep pretending.
keeping things inside,
i'm not doing myself juctice.
and because i don't like, and simple refuse to keep things inside,
my temper is explained -- fiery, but short-lived too.

if i bottle up everything up till my top pops,
somebody's gonna get hurt.
somebody's gonna get hurt REAL bad.

i've kept quite and avoided confrontation because i thought about your feelings.
i don't want to hurt you.
and things might get awkward after that.

but i have to think about my own feelings too.
i can't continue to keep things within me.
i think about you, but i've got me to think about too.
i needed to get things off my chest,
and make you see from my point of view before i implode.
and implosion leads to depression which leads to self-destruction.

so to get things across,
we decided on a nice form of confrontation during recess.
it took a few of us, and a lot of time before we came to that decision for me.

i barely got started when you ran off.
i wanted to clear things up, make things better, turn things around,
but you didn't want to face it.
you found it easier to run away and pretended nothing happened.
that nothing was wrong.

well i'm telling you something is wrong and it's staring at you.
straight in the face.
running away won't solve it.

all that bringing my point across in a joking way and snapping didn't work.
selective sight, selective hearing, selective everything.

problems don't go away on their own you know?
i took the initiative,
tried to make things better,
but still you didn't appreciate it.

like i've said,
friendship goes both ways.
it takes both to tango, both to make a friendship work out.
what's the point in me trying when you can't be bothered?

i thought confrontation in school would be best.
face to face,
clean and neat.
everything would be settled, and awkwardness will fade.
because we're all there,
and no misunderstandings will arise.

but since you chose to run,
things will only be more awkward.
and after this entry, things will be really awkward,
and things won't be done.

i seeked the opinions of several others cause i don't want it to seem like i'm too sensitive,
and that i'm pissed for stupid reasons.

even they saw you running off halfway.
leaving my sentence hanging in mid-air.
that made me even more pissed off than i already was.
wouldn't you if you were in my position?

it was than that i decided i can't be bothered with you.
that i'll be like you -- couldn't care less.
why should i spare a thoughts for your feelings in cases like these?
it is then i completely ignored you.

but i can't bring myself to hate someone for life.
at this point in time when i should be cutting all connections with you,
i'm still thinking of your feelings.

i don't want things to be awkward.
but you chose to make things so, even if it was unintentionally.
i don't want to lose a friend.
i don't want to have to deal with friendship problems at this point in time where studies determine if i make or break it in life.

and i don't believe that false friends are better than open enemies.
i don't care if a million people believe it.
i choose what i want to believe in.
i don't want all that falseness in friendship.
we either are or aren't on good terms.

i'm not the only person who's pissed, and i'm sure you know that too.
you can't be that thick.
but it's for other reasons you know of too.
we want to make things better, turn things around.

whether you want to or not is up to you.
you take your pick,
you make your choice,
you make the move.

we've all got to suffer the consequences of your choice.

this is all i've got to say to you.
i've tried to make things better.
now it's your turn to choose.



the only way to destroy an enemy is to make him a friend.
the only way to make a friend is to be one.

a friend is one who sees you as a good egg even though he knows you're slightly cracked.