FUCK YOU.

i officially declear mr tan tze siong the jerk of the century.
fucking arsehole.

i needed to go to the toilet REALLY REALLY REALLY badly today.
i was soooooo desperate.
i asked him NICELY many many many times, and he said NO.
told him how desperate i was. NO.
told him i was leaking. NO.

fuck him ok?
i've got my periods and you don't.
just because you are my teacher does not give you the right to deny me of basic needs like going to the toilet ok?

all male teachers are like that.
first mr lian. now mr tan.
what the fuck is their fucking problem?!
mr tan say some people go to the toilet to look at the mirror or meet their friend.
if he doesn't believe me he can come to the toilet with me alright?

if i wanted to look at the mirror i have my own.
i don't have to go to the toilet.
i can just do my hair in class and not give a damn about him.

if i wasn't taking o-level chinese orals today i would have walked out of the class to the toilet and face the consequences later.
i did consider doing that.
the only thing that held me back is that they might ban me from taking the exam today.
other than that they can call my mum but she will definitely stand up for me.

i am extremely pissed off today.
and considering the fact that i am PMS-ing, it only makes things worse.
fucking bastard.
he ought to be shot.
and to think i thought he was the nicest male teacher that teaches our class, considering the fact that the only other male teacher we have is mr lian.

and mr lian is also vying for the jerk-of-the-century title.
with his bigger-than-life ego, and he thinks he rules the universe.
they should just vanish from the face of the earth.

i just talked to my mother and she is calling the principle tomorrow.
its me against the world.
and my mother is capable of going to the extremes.

and if the school or any other teacher reads this for the matter, GOOD.
if the public reads it, i'm from st anthony's canossian secondary school.
don't send your child there if you have one.
our school doesn't deserve to maintain the autonomous status.

i'm still pissed, but moving along...
chinese o-level chinese orals today.
it was bad.
all i can do now is pray and hope the teacher was nice enough to give me a decent pass.

after orals while waiting for teresa i went to the drama room.
wanted to just say hi and all but justin wanted to talk to me.
he had bad news.

to all graduating students involved in the interactive dinner theater production:
the graduating students are not allowed to to it anymore.

appearently, MOE has a regulation that sec 4s are not to be involved in CCA.
ms chua wants to do it but she was very worried about us, or so i was told.
thus, justin says the sec 4s are not doing it.
it does not matter if the we we are willing to make the sacrifice.
he said he agreed with ms chua, and aked me to hate him as much as i would hate ms chua.

i don't think it's open for discussion.
it might be but i'm not sure.
filming will resume in late november early december after the o-levels.

the school is very excited about the filming project but i think it's basically pointless.
think about it:
would you rather watch a musical live in a theather of watch it on the internet as a webcast, in which there will be no songs?

i hardly think anyone would even bother going online to watch it.
the only reason why i want to do this is because it will look good on paper.
mainly my testimonial.
first ever webcast to be produced my a school blah blah blah.
but i really like the story too.
really really like it.

i was sooo hoping to do something big before i leave the school.
first they cancelled the musical.
then, they don't allow the graduating people to do the interactive dinner theater thing.
i'm like graduating empty handed.
i feel so cheated.
i REALLY wanted to do something big.

i guess it was just not meant to be.

but justin said he might use me in another production.
in which i will be paid.
but again, no promises.
i don't dare cling onto those words.
besides, i won't be surprised if i'm not good enough.
i've never been good enough.
i just want to be. but that does not mean i am.
to hope for so much and be let down as i was for the musical and interactive dinner theater.
but of course, that is for the school.
but i don't know what that thing he said is for.

he was like " i think you're.....bright."
was so difficult for him to say that.
hahahahahaha:)
but then again, i dare not hope for much.
he probably said that to console me.
ha..i think i looked devasted when he told me we're not doing the theather thing anymore.

but that brightened my day for that little while.
until realisation dawned on me that he might have said it for the sake of saying something nice.

and in addition to the events that had happened today,
that news just made me more depressed that i already was.

two whole weeks of bliss and now, the first day of the week and i'm having one of the worse ones in my entire life.

but i'm feeling much better after ranting.
i'm thinking about all the vulgarities above now that i'm actually thinking clearly, but i don't think i want to remove them.
i might just decide to ask my mum to not make the call after all.
i might.
but i'm still extremely pissed.

i think everyone at home is steering clear of me too.
i think they can tell how pissed i am.
my brother just shouted "you PMS-ing is it?! like the whole world offended you or something!"
and yes, i am PMS-ing.
the whole world didn't offend me.
it's just mr tan.

i know i might get into trouble if the school sees this, but at the moment, i really couldn't care less.