sometimes life gives us brief moments with another...but sometimes in those brief moments we get memories that last a lifetime.



sometimes we don't treasure what we have as much as we should.
human nature.
and i guess we'll never understand it.


i finally finally decided to make an effort to go to my paternal grandparents' place today.
had dinner with them after more than a month.
and what was it that finally made me go there?
to finally fulfill part of my duty as a granddaughter?
and not just fulfilling my duties...it's not an obligation - i LOVE them to bits.
it was a mere random flash thought.
the thought of my grandmother dying.
fear just gripped me then.

that really woke me up.
realisation struck me straight in the face - i might not have much time left with her.
i love her. i love them. but yet weeks after weeks i just put off my supposed weekly visits.
weeks soon turned into months.
but not a single day goes by without me thinking of them.
without me reproaching myself for not showing them how much i truely love them.

i cried myself silly last night.
and all it took was that one random thought of my grandmother dying to turn on the waterworks.


sometimes i wonder if i'm doing enough to show them how much i love them.
if they really know how much i treasure them.
they have done so much for me.
taking care and watching over me for the first 10 years of my life on a daily basis.
after 10 years of being with them everyday, i'm starting to think that i ought to burn in hell for visting them only once a month, or even once every two months now.


time isn't on their side.
that i know for sure.
my grandmother's 77 and my grandfather's 84.
how much more time do they have left?
i pray all the time that god will grant them more time on earth.
that they are not taken away from me.
i live in constant fear that one day they will leave me.
i hope that day doesn't come anytime soon.

i want more time to make it up to them.
to make up for the time lost.
for all the times i made excuses for not visiting.
i don't want tonight to be the last time i held their hands.
i kissed my grandmother tonight.
i don't want that to be the last kiss.
i want there to be a million more kisses.
i want to hold their hands for a million years.

there are many other things that i still want to do.
i want to hear their complete life stories.
to have more times just sitting around with them, looking at them, loving them even more.
i want to bake with my grandmother.
to learn to make mooncakes, to make rice dumplings, to make glutinous rice, to make yam cake, to cook the simplest things.
i want to learn everything.
i'll always remember every homemade dish ever made for me by my grandmother.


and now that they are both old and they have their good days and bad, illness haunts them on the bad days, i don't get to eat the special stuff much anymore.
i haven't tasted mooncakes in 3 years.
and i refuse to eat the ones that are not made by my grandparents.
rice dumplings will never taste as good as the ones made my them.


i remember when i was younger the three of us would busy ourselves in the kitchen making dumpings and mooncakes on that rice dumpling festival and mid-autumn festival respectively.
i couldn't do much of course, but i was contented with whatever little things i could help out with.
just being with them brought me such comfort and security.


and when i was a baby, i had difficulty drinking milk and had to be tube fed because i was prematured.
but instead of tube-feeding me, i know my grandparents would spend forever every feeding session to feed me - using a teaspoon.
spoonful by spoonful.


and i'll never forget how they took care of me everytime i'm sick.
even now, when they hear from my dad that i'm sick, they call, they cook and boil all sorts of funny stuff for me. - though those stuff weren't always nice.
but i know that they'll do whatever it is within their means to get me back in the pink of heath.

they have always been there for me.
and i want to do them same for them now.

i know they'll always love me no matter what.
their love for me would never fade.




they will probably never know how much joy and confort they have brought into my life.
and i vow to revert back to my weekly visits.
i don't want any room for regrets should time ever run out.


i love them with all my heart and i wish they knew just how much that is.
i feel like i've been a horrible granddaughter.
and i feel silly for crying while typing this.


i love them.
please don't let it be too late.