i am afraid of nothing except being bored.

no. wait. I TAKE THAT BACK.
i'm afraid of everything.
everything.

i remember stuffs that i did for the 1st time.
the first time i bought my own food at macs.
the first time i went to the doctors alone.
the first time i got a haircut alone.
the first time my computer died and i had to tell someone.
the first time i genuinely forgot to do my homework.
the first time i lied about genuinely forgetting to do my homework.
you get the drift.

i wanna get out and do something new.
it's been long since i did something for the first time.
ok...not really THAT long.
i called the singtel man this morning to get help with the computer didn't i?
well yes. that was difficult for me to do.
don't laugh.
i get scared by the littlest things.

i want to try something new.
i'm tried of being trapped in this security bubble of mine.
life's boring when you live it safe.
i want to get out and do what everyone else is doing.
i want to have the fun that they are having.

i'm so sick of living life by its endless string of rules.
it's starting to get ridiculous.
like come on...i actually feel guilty of getting myself an mc for next week when the whole world is having exams.
i feel bad not studying when the rest of the world is.
isn't it stupid?
i deserve the mc. i mean i got dengue right?
though i'm recovering well and all that's beside the point right?
the point is that i deserve it and i should feel guilty!

i don't know....it feels as if i'm committing a crime.

i want to do something.

do i have anyone volunteering to help me change my life?






i'm about to throw myself a pity party.