-my viduous life-

2008-06-22T19:45:00.001+08:00

blogger has failed me.

i've moved.

click here :)

same user as blogspot just with the additional "s" at the back. change your links people :)

2008-06-20T18:25:00.005+08:00

i believe in fairytales

life's been pretty good the past 2 days :)

dinner and pool with the fieldtrip people yesterday night (yes, i still refuse to pick up the cue stick) as an early birthday celebration for rachel.

spent the afternoon with val today. we were supposed to study but we left the library at 1, after 2 hours, for parkway.
lunched and all, and that girl takes FOREVER to choose her stationary from popular.

oh and some lady behind us in the queue at popular said she likes my shoes :)
i was wearing my cherry flats.

whilst in the library we didn't get much studying done though. we thought jo was joing us but that pig was still in school.
and val just vandalised everything she could get her hands on - namely my post its.

my poor post its. they were supposed to be motivational. LOOK AT THEM NOW!
(oh and thanks for the sticker jo :) i just noticed today!)

she shamelessly wrote this on a napkin, took a picture of it, and set it as my phone's wallpaper.

study session again soon babes! hibernation at home doesn't work with seth around! haha i sound like i'm keeping a man.

and my eyesight's getting form bad to worse :( i think i look pretty awful in specs. haha. the following picture is probably going to be the 1st and last time you see me in specs.

and my horrible attempt to pout. haha.

2008-06-19T13:07:00.007+08:00

two things are infinite: the universe and stupidity; and i'm not sure about the universe.

Stupidity isn’t always painful. It should be. But it’s not.

Econs fac test yesterday was a blur. It hours went by so quickly that when they said pens down, I was shaking.

3 possibilities: - I was shaking due to the cold (the audi was an ice box)

- I was shaking in fear because I couldn’t finish my paper

- I was shaking in rage because this was what I heard

“choose the answers to one question that you’re most confident of, circle it and staple it in front.”

WHAT THE HELL?!

There I was trying to strategise so that I can pass the entire paper and they told me to choose ONE?!
I refused to make the choice so I stapled my scripts in chronological order.
BIG MISTAKE.

Went out with jo and val after the test, and while I was stoning at starbucks, question 1 floated across my mind.
Then. LIGHTBLUB MOMENT.
I was rolling the question around in my head and I realised I ANSWERED THE ENTIRE 25 MARK QUESTION WRONGLY. OH MY LORD.
And it had to be a full 25 marks question and not the usual part (a) and (b) question.
Thanks. Thankyouverymuch.

I was pretty much traumatised.
Jo was sweet. Thanks for the napkin note love :)
I like napkin notes. They make the simple note simpler than it already is. And it’s sweeter. Haha.

And whilst I was flipping though my mountain of econs essay on Tuesday night, daddy came home with a present! (and it’s not even my birthday. Ha.)
So there I was trying to make full use of my last 2 hours (I planned to sleep by midnight see) and he happily brought in a distraction.
And because it’s all wrapped up curiosity got the better of me.

Say hello to my new piece of technology (I’m not calling it my new baby cause I don’t like it that much =/ )

Okay…so I’m an ungrateful brat who’s complaining even though I’m getting a new camera.
It came after one week of whining. Haha. I wanted a new camera because mine’s 5 years old?
Yup, so after new zealand I was just whining about how horrid my camera is.
But daddy got me a W series from sony because all the new t series cameras are touch screens and apparently the touch screens die really easily.
But the w series is so…..FAT. The thickness makes it’s so 1980s.
Even my old T3 is slimmer than this. But then again, my t3 was made to be slim.

Bummer. But I guess I should just be grateful that I’ve got a new camera.

Oh and meet jo’s newest baby. The one on the left is trouble, and the right is named some.
Put them together and what do you get?
They are troublesome. Literally.
WE HAD TO BORROW A FREAKING UMBRELLA FROM A RANDOM STRANGER TO WALK HER TO THE BUS STOP 10 METERS AWAY SO THAT THEY DON’T GET WET FROM THE RAIN.
“Quick! Wipe the drop of water off! It’d stain the shoe!”

2008-06-17T15:03:00.000+08:00

choices and responsibility.

whether i fail or succeed shall be no man's doing but my own.

the above is quoted from my econs lecture notes.

i've got urges to expell stuff from both ends.
a bout of nausea and diarrhoea.
i feel like fainting everytime i stand up.

but i'm having constipation of the mind.
econs fac test tomorrow.
it's going to be a very panicky 2 and a 1/2 hours.
i can see it already.

I FEEL SICK.
i want a scalpel to slit my abdomen so i can reach in to fix my insides.
yuck.

2008-06-14T16:40:00.008+08:00

if i discover within myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that i was made for another world.

Blogger’s a bitch. The font size’s wonky, so here I am typing this out on Microsoft words. The auto correct shite is annoying. Not always, but now more than ever.

Ever felt like lifting a katana and sending it right through yourself then go up, down, left, right, like the fallen samurais? I feel that way now. Friends who think I’ve been driven to the point of desperation, fear not. The closest thing to a katana at home is a knife with a glistening glade of about 15cm.

It’s not easy being female. In my honest opinion, “females” ought to be a synonym of “noble”. I’m cramping like there’s no tomorrow.
I hate my insides. First fever for the past few days and now this. UGH.

On a lighter note, I’ve STARTED studying. Yay me:) I haven’t got much done at all, but it’s a start. I will pass all the tests when term starts. I must. Heck, I’d better. Math seems fun now, though I’m starting to loath econs. The more I study econs the more confused I get because I’ve developed some warped up way of thinking logically. Sheesh. I always had a sneaky feeling that was different.

Jie wei’s chalet later and I’m still not sure if I’m going. Well I was sure until I realised we haven’t set a time to meet and all of a sudden jayne and jerry are the only ones going. I thought the whole class was going?! Thanks.

I’m TRYING to do up an LJ layout but it’s not turning out well for I don’t know what reason. Pictures will be up as soon as I’ve gotten the journal up. Some really nice ~~guy~~ ~~girl~~ person is offering to help me look at the overrides because I seem to be the only idiot in this world who can’t manage an LJ.

2008-06-10T16:32:00.000+08:00

2008-06-08T13:15:00.004+08:00

i'm back!

pictures will be up when they've been collated:)

yay for fieldtrips!
had heaps of fun :)

angels in disguise.

2008-06-01T10:49:00.007+08:00

no one has ever loved anyone in the way everyone wants to be loved.

shopping yesterday with jo :)

got mummy her birthday present - a watch from guess.

rachel suggested i get cooking pots and pans. right. and the next day we'd end up sleeping in the streets. my mum cannot cook to save her life.

flying off to new zealand this afternoon!
CAN SOMEBODY PLEASE UNLOCK MY ENTHUSIASM VAULT?
i'm so not ready for the trip.
didn't do read ups, nothing. sorry adriene!

this is what i will bring back:

for gissy :)

for jo :)

for jayne :)

for emily :)

one more hour till i leave!
miss me :)

2008-05-31T11:35:00.001+08:00

i swear, one day i'd heck into the school website to remove all my unglam pictures.
one day.

2008-05-29T16:31:00.002+08:00

a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.

it made me smile :)

it's amazing how the littlest things can brighten up you day - and i sure as hell ain't having the best one.

cleaned up my lappy :)

i'll organise my pictures. SOON.

honestly, i should be putting my time to better use.

OF LATE, I'VE BEEN EXTREMELY LAZY AND GETTING FAT FROM THAT.

GISELLAHUANGXIANGWEN i just realised we don't even have a single picture together after so long. that uber ugly picture taken on your birthday doesn't count. if i get kidnapped my your macho or eaten by sheeps in new zealand you won't have memories of me.

2008-05-27T22:43:00.001+08:00

contentment is natural wealth.

i'm a happy girl again :)
yes, i can't help but be easily contented.

2008-05-27T15:30:00.004+08:00

i know that you believe you understand what i said, but i'm not sure you realise that what you heard is not what i meant.

i'm still pretty much annoyed. yes, i don't get over annoyance easily.
i kind of realised that i'm like a kid. i need to be coaxed. HA.

anyways, more pictures!

from our shower escapades in school to the choir concert. though the shower pictures weren't even supposed to be taken, but i've decided to post the most unglam picture you'll ever see of me.
yuck.
but in the name of sportsmanship, i'll do it. and i'll post the rest too though they're not half as unglam as mine. one day adriene..i'll snap a uber unglam one of you to make up for this.

p.s. ok, i chickened out and decided to not post the umglam after shower pictures. LOL.

2008-05-26T23:21:00.003+08:00

some teachers can be the ultimate bitches. period.

and now my entire day is spoilt. thanks a lot ya?

2008-05-24T13:17:00.000+08:00

it's a matter of perspectives.

school's out!

nothing is going right in my academic life currently but really, it's not affecting me much.
yes, it's wrong but i don't know how i can subject myself to that torment of studying again now that i've tasted that wee bit of the "dark side".
not studying feels good.
arrghhh...it's the whole forbidden fruit thing.
17 years of pushing myself and i'm giving up during my last year. shoot me.

anyways...i've been happy the past few days :)
it's a matter of perspectives isn't it? let yourself be happy and you will.

ms wendy lee gave us a box of butter cookies on thursday. sweet :) haha it was in return for the cookie keychain we got her.

friday was a good day too. not that classes went well though. nope, not at all. but i liked it. hahaha.
stepped down, handed drama over to the juniors. YAY.
i hope they continue to push for things to be done so we can bring drama to greater heights from where it currently is now. practically non-existant.
but in the pat 5 months i've been in drama there's been vast improvements from last year.
at least there's a club now, and regular sessions.
that's a achievement. yay us :)

they fired eleanor with the excuse that the school has no budget.
no budget my foot. plasma tvs, choir concert, band concert, and the list goes on. and they tell us they have no budget?!
the principle herself said during assembly that the school should chase dreams. money is not an issue. that's why the art students are going to NY.
so what's this whole no budget shit?

since the techers in charge won't do anything about it, i dragged althea to look lao shi up to complain cause she's the performing arts director. she was pretty care less about it. we'll see how it goes. if she doesn't do anything about it i'm going to the principle :)
how exciting.
it'd be fun to blow matters up. my life is deprived of the real life drama anyways :)

gossiped for hours after the handover with donna, raihan and choy.
and during the gossip session teachers started going home so mrs toh came along and offered me a chance to be an emcee for the syf closing ceremony :)
but training's in the 1st week of june and i'd be in new zealand so she'll try change it. i'm keeping my fingers crossed!

motivational workshopa at the yatch club yesterday. it was ok i guess..but most of the stuff they said i already know so ya.

some pictures from choir concert :)

more pictures soon! as soon as i get the pictures from adriene who refuses to send the rest of the picture cause she doesn't look good in them. BUT I DON'T LOOK GOOD IN THE ONES SHE SENT!

2008-05-20T16:41:00.002+08:00

runaway train

last week of school before term ends :)
then i will mug during the holidays. yes. i solemnly promise.

Plaisir de Chanson 2008.
choir concert at the esplanade yesterday :)
my 1st time stepping into the concert hall - i'm not a big fan of concerts see.
but i'm no stranger to the awsome theatres. think the concert hall is pathetic in comparison.

the concert was alright i guess. but not my cup of tea. i'll choose theatre over concerts anytime.
but the concert got better after the intermission. pretty entertaining. hahaha. (especially after how mrs foong imitated glenn today)
i spent most of my time people watching and entertaining jayne and myself. haha :)
it's pretty fun watching teacher outside school.
adriene: "lets go down during the intermission to check out what the teachers are wearing!"
we had a pretty good view of what they wore from the circle seats though. nothing special.

justine was an usher and probably the most embarrassing one in history at that.
which usher kicks off her shoes in view of everyone and walks barefooted at the esplanade?
enlighten me please.

more pictures later! after i've gotten the rest from the darlings :)

p.s. four and the half inch heels are not nice to walk in for long, let alone run.
p.p.s. socks with heels? new trend? let me know. (a01 will know what i'm talking about. haha :))

2008-05-18T21:29:00.002+08:00

when technology is a bane.

WILL SOMEBODY JUST TAKE THIS STUPID PIECE OF TECHNOLOGY AWAY FROM ME ALREADY?

2008-05-18T11:24:00.006+08:00

i'm paining/cramping/whateveryouwanttocallit. it's not easy being female.

i found some long overdued pictures from our little impromptu bbq at val's house on my lappy :)
so impromptu we didn't have much to eat.
so impromptu i had to rush from school like a mad woman without even having time to bath in school let alone go home. ick.

our masquarade party :)

MIDC grand final student stweards. taken with aisyah's lousy phone. ha.

kayle in the drink stand at the movie theatre.

really good tau hauy :)
and adriene still has to put that little thing in the picture. i'm going to share a room with the toy kingdom in NZ.

threading at little india:)
cheap and really fast. but i still had quite a lot of stray hairs. which meant the lady didn't thread much considering the fact that i'd already plucked my brows before going!

our uber fat relfections!

i just realised there's no picture of jayne in the little india escapade because i looked hideous in the pictures that we took together. ha..go to adriene's lj if you want to see them.
so to make it up, here's a pretty unglam picture of you jayne :)

i need to:
- study
- lose weight
- preserve my sanity

2008-05-17T22:25:00.003+08:00

sirmione 2004

i'm scared shitless and you have absolutely no idea.
dollar bill my poot.

2008-05-14T16:55:00.007+08:00

virgin attempt.

syf's OVER. i'm not fretting over the results unlike the rest of them because it's highly unlikely we'd get anything beyond a bronze.
it MIGHT have been silver material but stupid fools like wayne had to go "sorry sory..wait.." on stage. smart alec who's so full of himself. i could have walked out there and given him a tight slap. but then again. thinking isn't his strong suit is it? i'd love to see things from his point of view, but i can't seem to get my head that far up my ass. he's living proof that manure can grow legs and walk.

under the encouragement of rachel, i wrote my 1st apology letter on monday. my virgin attempt. yes, hail me. oh wait. hail her. she's the one who's got a degree in that area.
we ordered apology note pads from f21 so no more writing long letters next time. the note pads are a necessity for her. they were made for her.
i've never met any other being with such a knack for trouble. hahaha.

i decided to post the most random pictures i found in my phone.

the cartoons tried imitating minas but ended up looking like nerds. HA!

sports day! a really ugly picture but pretty balloon hats!

milo truck!

the crazy girl with our blue nails :)

the uber cute kitten we found under the hdb blocks :)

i see marilyn monroe!

school's boring to the point where we find ruptured pipes amusing. they turned off the pipes just when i posed for my picture :(

spot the 3 jokers sleeping during math lecture. don't be fooled by timo's upright position!

teddy!

the stuff i do when i'm supposed to be studying math.

the top contender for "world's most annoying cat"

jie wei's coin purse and his pencil case. LOL.

glenn got fined for drinking pepsi at the train station. hahaha. i never knew they did such stuff.

i want pictures from yesterday and MIDC please!

ohoh! i want to change my blogskin soon! polkadots are starting to appeal to me:) stripes are so last season.

2008-05-11T12:01:00.003+08:00

i want one for my birthday :)

this is so not working. stop it jerine. stop it.

footnote: i think rachel's locker is cool shit. :)

2008-05-10T19:37:00.005+08:00

you block your dream when you allow your fear to grow bigger than your faith.

after 4 days of questioning myself, i've somewhat gotten the answer.
i'm scared. i'm terrified that at the end of this year, life will laugh at me in the face and tell me that i've been wrong all my life.
all my life i've been trying to be good enough. to prove that i am good enough. that was it. to be good enough. i didn't even need to be good per se, or the best. good enough was good enough for me.
but it was tough trying to be good enough when the term wasn't up to me to define.

i've been pretty disturbed these few days after ms tan sent me an online message 4 days ago asking me what was wrong with me. why the sudden change in me. that there was a problem. but i didn't try to right it.
and basically that hit the spot. i cried. because someone had to point out something i've been trying so hard to ignore. something i've been pushing to the back of my head. i knew something was wrong. of course i did. i'm too in touch with myself to not know it.
i had to give a reply since she could check the status to see if i've read the message. but there and then i didn't really have the answers to her question. i know something was wrong. but what? i never did address it before her message. ignoring made life simpler, and more blissful see.

i said it was because results weren't justifying the hard work, that's why i was somewhat giving up. i didn't know if it was the complete truth then but maybe i though maybe that was it. but was it really? no. after this afternoon, i can safely say no. it wasn't.
the waterworks ruptured when reality stuck.
reality being i was afraid. the fear was overwhelming. i was afraid of that fear.
the fear of being being proven wrong. that i wasn't good enough. that the life i've led, trying so hard to be good enough has been a joke.

so maybe that's why i haven't been studying, haven't been doing anything useful with my life other than sitting in front of the laptop all day, and even that isn't productive.
i'm afraid life will prove me wrong.
no effort, no expectations, no disappointments.
so maybe without trying, there'd be no expectations (you can't expect to do well if you don't work right?), and without expectations, there'd be no disappointments.
so maybe that's why i haven't been working.
and after assessments after assessments, and failure after failure, maybe i wasn't cut out for this.
maybe i've been in delusion all these while.
maybe i'd never be good enough no matter what i do, how much i do.

but i don't want all the above to be right. at the end of this year the answers will be revealed. it's the last year success can manifest, and i'm afraid that it wouldn't. i'd rather live in delusion. but the clock is not stopping for me.
what if at the end of this year it's finally proven that i can never be good enough? then what? what the hell am i going to do with my life after that?
i'm afraid of the future.

but i can't go on ignoring this fear can i? time isn't waiting for me.

right now, i don't know what to say. i don't know what to do. it's like being lost in the middle of nowhere. the feeling of it is awful.
the entire world has a direction as to what to do.
trees grow, photosynthesize, improve the environment.
clouds form to keep the heat out.
snow from the mountains of colorado melt and make their way to the sea.
animals in the wild hunt and kill for survival.
humans strive for success in all aspects.
but me? where am i going? what do i want? what am i here for?
that's a question to which i have no answers.

it's not easy looking for someone to talk to considering the fact that the entire world thinks i'm normal and that i'm going to succeed.
well one thing's for sure - i've succeeded in fooling everyone with the masks i've put on.
but it's stifling. cracks are developing on them, and someone actually saw through it.
putting on the the mask is self mutilation.

i know i've got to wolk on my attitude and build up my drive again.
but it's not easy when i'm confused.
when i don't know what i really what.

maybe i'm not cut out for this.
maybe the game is about to be over.

the worst lies are the lies we tell ourselves. and we do it only out of fear.

2008-05-04T17:39:00.004+08:00

i wish i had moments worthy enough to be up HERE.

anyways, heaps of stuff have been going on, i'm just too lazy to update because i hate blogspot ohsomuch.
anyone game enough to do up a layout for me on LJ?

academically, i'm in the pits. no shit.

MIDC is over. the saturdays were tiring but fun all the same.
grand finals were yesterday. i'm so glad 2 speakers from my team made it into the top 5 speakers, and the overall best speaker for MIDC.
hahaha i feel like a mother proud of her children.
RJ didn't make it past the semis, but i'm still proud of them :)

being the timekeeper felt ohsoweird yesterday considering it was my first.
and the fact that the motion was THE most boring one didn't help.
lao shi was suan-ing me too, saying i've got an easy job. it was harder than being an usher right?! and all she did the whole time was play with her phone anyways.
berlyn seow shu wen, watch out too...had major fun suan-ing me didn't you? THANKS A LOT.
now all the student stewards of MIDC think i'm anorexic. THANKS.

oh and we got caught lounging in the vip lounge and ms ho peng, one of the VIP gracing the event, who happens to be lee hsien loong's sister in law, walked in.
to think ms lorriane lee promised to give us the head up if we needed to evacuate. pfft. got scolding of course.
i don't think the lady minded the least. she was all chirpy going "hello young people!"

also, the itinery for the new zealand fieldtrip is out.
don't seem like a whole lot of fun though.

i found someone who knows all the gossips in the world. hahaha. rachel grace bok. that girl changed my image of A LOT of people. hahaha. gossiping with her's da bomb.
i've got a picture i'd very much like to share but i won't risk getting expelled. hahahaha. tough luck.

did i mention i can't stand my juniors? syf is in 8 days and are they panicking? NO. they don't even now their lines for crying out loud. "i can make up something on that day". fucking irresponsible. i'm embarassed to be their VP. EMBARASSED. they asked for it if we come back with a cop which is what we'll probably be getting if they don't get an attitude makeover in the next few days.

ohhhh..and go watch what happens in vegas! i caught the premier and i'll give at 4 out of 5 popcorns :)

2008-04-15T13:52:00.002+08:00

wheeze wheeze whee-PLOP.

i'm actually WHEEZING. i can like hear it. sound like i'm dying or something.
and yes. i told the doctor i can't breathe.
fever, aches, cough, flu, awful throat, runny nose...sounds familliar?

on the lighter note, i've been given 3 days mc.
but i think i'm gonna have to drag my butt to school tomorrow considering i'm already so far behind in everything.

oh and i think i've infected adriene and aggrevated gissy's minor cold to a full fledge flu. a thousand apologies :(
and whoever it is who passed it to me, go see a bloody doctor.

i'm off to bed -again-. PTM later. let's hope the teachers show the sick dog some sympathy.

2008-04-06T17:05:00.010+08:00

home is where the heart is.

overdued pictures from my grandaunt's annual birthday bash at spring court last weekend.
as usual, there were heaps of people, and that's not even the entire family. only a fraction. seems like the private room with 9 tables weren't enought to accomodate all of us so people had to be slotted here there everywhere. yes...i suppose about a hundred turned up?

company was good that night i guess. the conversation at our table somehow, i can't remeber how, but somehow changed to that of flashers and wankers. god knows i've seen a fair share of wankers on buses. but at least now i know i'm not the only one.

and i've come to realise that unknowingly, we've all gown a little older, but none the wiser for some. our table has evolved from the "kids table" to the almost 20 and below 30s table, save the 2 monkeys who will never cease to insist on sitting with us. they're good entertainment at times though. but little ones...i don't think kids will ever make it on my "love" list.
potential husband, that's a point to note.

very few pictures, and a video, but beats nothing at all.
oh...and watch the videos and tell me which family sings in unison like mine? we're like a 100 -and still counting- people choir.

2008-04-04T19:46:00.006+08:00

following me ain't gonna make you a success.

i'd never have thought it possible to be stalked, and i've been proved unbelievably wrong.

yes, i've got a stalker.
a pretty insane old -granted, he's not that old. early 30s i suppose?- biddy who chat me up at the mrt station some day last week while i was waiting for my maid who's ever so slow to bring me an unbrella.
and with all civility, i was nugged into this polite conversation with him -fyi, i loath polite conversations with weird people. some people just have the flair for giving out werid vibes-. you have no idea how relieved i was to see my maid.

and so i thought that was the end of the encounter and that i could wipe that plastered -almost frozen- smile off my face. but nooooo....he requested -more like insisted- that i share my brolly with him because he'll fall ill if he walks in the rain. as stunned as i was, i couldn't think of an excuse to reject his request there and then, so up went the plastered smile again, and i told him he could only share the brolly till we're outside my condo's gate, then he'd have to make his way back on his own.

i was about to make a mad dash into the condo when we were at the gate but he just kept on talking, and talking, still talking, never did stop talking, and did i mention more talking?
well yes. he all but told me his life story.
i'm fairly certain he bullshitted me with almost everything he said. his name was probably not a registered one either.
he happens to have held jobs as "a tutor, an engineer, a teacher, an insurance agent...." probably a whole long list on his CV. yet he doesn't look anything like a professional.

what convinced me that he was a liar, and a pretty bad one at that, was when he said he was a secondary school teacher -didn't mention the name of the school- and had a nineteen year old student who wrote him -believe it or not- LOVE LETTERS. oh ya and he was an english teacher. but trust me. his command of the language was pretty much drowning in mud, if not already. MOE ought to shut its doors if they ever did employ him. and back to the love letters, the student -if she exists- must be blind AND deaf to write him love letters -in brile probably- because in terms of looks, he'll blend in well at the coffee shop, and like i said, language isn't his strong suit.

oh and supposedly, he travels a lot to europe, where the girls take initiative to ask him out all the time. oh boy....this guy is either in delusion or has a hell of an imagination. and apparently he only hangs out with ang mohs even in singapore because he feels more at home with them. erm...that's a thought to ponder on.

oh yes. and he invited me to godknowwhathisnameisbecausehe'ssomechinesedude's concert. he offered to buy me a ticket and i just stared with wide-eyed wonder.

oh and when it finally stopped raining -yes. he won't let me walk away until like half an hour later, after the rain stopped. even then, i had to shake him off like a dog out fresh out of water-, i told him for the last time i had to go and that he could contact me. obviously i intented to give him a fake number until he whipped out a something that held an uncanny resemblance to a toy phone.

yep. crazy i know. so i just played along, "keying in" some number when he asked me what it was verbally. so obviously without a phone he couldn't possible remember any numbers right? WRONG.
with that thought, and being lazy, i just rattled off my number really quickly so that i could run as far as i possibly could after that.

oh and i've seen him around the vicinity after that, but hurried off as quickly as my legs could take me.

and you see, because i didn't believe he could remember my number i rattled off my real one. BUT....i guess gisella was right. he probably studied too hard he went crazy.

YESTERDAY, i received 5 missed calls from some unfamiliar number. and people, i don't answer calls from numbers i don't recognise unless i have a clue where it's coming from. so then he started MESSAGING me. almost 20 messages in a short span of 15 minutes from singtel's free internet sms.

read and go figure. this is from a guy with whom i was all but forced to have a polite conversation with, and met only ONCE.

note: the following are the EXACT messages. there are no spelling or typos on my part. be appalled with his language. be very appalled. disgusted works well too.

his messages. my disgust.

10:16pm
hi Jerine! it's me dixon. Long time no see. How are you? he speaks as if we're the chummiest friends. not that long in my opinion, nor as long as i hoped.

10.17pm
U need not to reply me as i just want to make u feel that someone is talking to u. i've got no comments. go figure.

10:17pm
Maybe i feel a bit bored rather than u. no shit sherlock.

10:18pm
I hope you can get flying colours in your exams.

10:19pm
Also i just hope u still can remember me that day & also your umbrella to prevent I'm getting wet.
believe me, i'd rather suffer from alzheimer's. and the whole i'm getting wet thing? it'd better meant "me getting wet" instead of what it reads literally.

10:19pm
Actually on the day, I'm thinking of how to be your friend after that incident.

10:21pm
but u know that u r still studing and i'm working. So we're in two different world.
yes i know and i'm counting on him to have a lightbulb moment and realise it too.

10:22pm
don't mind I'm using the cmputer to type instead of hp because of convenient and also larger screen.
trust me when i say his command of english is pretty much awful?

10:23pm
If let's say my messenge is going one way. I also don't mind because this depend on our fate and destiny.
now THIS message freaked me out. oh and messENge isn't a typo. there are more where they came from.

10:24pm
I just wonder where are the old days meeting a frend and chat whatever u want and going out together?
if you didn't know better you'd think he was my kopitiam kahki.

10:26pm
I don't know but I will miss that times and wonder what type of life u now in because I can see school life got more friends than working.
he "will miss that times"?! and yes. i've got friends and don't need another like him thankyouverymuch.

10:26pm
don'y u think so.

10:27pm
sorry about the long messenge I sent instead of shortform because i want u 2 get what I written.
futile attempt. still don't get it.

10:28pm
If time permit, I hope to stay on that day talking to u once again. To know about u and chat anything u liked.
given a chance, i would have traded this very fine oppotunity with the devil's advocate.

10:30pm
Thank u 4 to take time reading my messenges if you see them and Hope everything fine with u.

10:32pm
I got to go now, maybe hope to hear from u soon!!Chorous & Cheers!! did call u but no one answer the phone.
i sure can hear the chorous of hallelujah. oh and perhaps Martin Luther King jr's "free at last, free at last. thank god almighty, we're free at last."

life just got a little weirder and interesting didn't it? gisella and the lovelies got a good laugh from reading them.

anyways, i've got lots of updates to make and lots of pictures that i'm waiting for, so i'll update when i feel like it. but then again, the stuff that i wanted to update on would have been oh-so-passe so we'll see.

and i'm off to copy my econs corrections (x5) just because i failed by a few marks. i'm starting to think i've got THE most sadistic teacher that ever walked the planet.

happy birthday adriene! a belated one to jayne, mr lim, ms de, tim, and sheereen :)
and yes, sheer's version of the extended brithday song is stucked in my head.

2008-03-30T13:06:00.002+08:00

amongst life's ruins, the river of tears has dried up all too soon.

2008-03-23T19:30:00.002+08:00

one, two, three, four, five. once i fed some fishes alive.

six, seven, eight, nine, ten, i'll never ever do it again.
why won't you do it again?
BECAUSE THE STUPID FISH BIT MY FINGER LA!
the fourth finger on my right.
my finger went INTO the fish's mouth.
i've got this long line on my finger to remind me to never feed fishes again.

FISHES ARE FOOD. NOT FRIENDS.

oh wells. so i went to tioman over the long weekends, got myself sunburnt because i stupidly forgot to slap some sunblock on my shoulders.
relaxing few days, especially after common tests which were a bitch.
gonna fail real bad, but then again, maybe then i'll get another $200 from the government this year for supposed good progress.

and no, no pictures from the trip because my camera was sitting safely in the safe box the entire 3 days so that i won't lose it or wet it or whatever.
kind of defeats the purpose of a camera if you asked me.
but my mum made me do it because i was leaving my stuff all over the place.

the sea was great, the hot ang mohs were better :)
and i've got tan FEET.
i might look healthier with a tan though, considering the fact that people have been telling me i look sick or haven't slept in a week.
it's fade soon so blah...

i kinda hate school now. don't know why.
never hated school before.
laziness's getting the better of me.

2008-03-12T11:24:00.002+08:00

the difference between an itch and an allergy is about a hundred bucks.

i. am. breaking. out. in. hives.
all over my legs.

it's annoying the shit out of me and they won't go away!
i looked it up on the net. i know what hives are, but what did i ever do to get them?
and according to some medical website, they are caused my allergies, and -the joke of the century- STRESS.
i'm not stressed! far from it!
and i don't have allergies. well, not that i know of, but still.

go away go away go away.
it's got like the entire north america imprinted on my calf.
i swear the hives can like make a whole novel with their shapes.

MAKE THEM GO AWAY!
the itch is driving me nuts. and they're growing larger and larger.

go away please....

2008-03-11T13:20:00.002+08:00

resignation.

there are 2 paths to take. one to hopelessness and despair, the other to total extinction.
and they seem to cross.

i'm fucked.
A levels are no joke.
but i'm still stupidly wasting precious time on everything but studies.
jerine jerine jerine. WAKE UP YOUR IDEAS.
you're gonna have to start sourcing for a university offering a major in housekeeping if you don't start studying.

ughhhhhhh.
i'm throughly annoyed with myself.
disgusted.

i don't want to be one of those breaking down after collecting my results like how the seniors did.
that'd be a point of no return.
it's do or die. one chance.

i know i can i will. i know i can i will. i know i can i will. i know i can i will. i know i can i will. i know i can i will. i know i can i will. i know i can i will. i know i can i will. i know i can i will. i know i can will. i know i can i will. i know i can i will.

2008-03-08T18:40:00.007+08:00

it's through imperfection that you find perfection.

loads been happening. loads.

let me just sum in up in mini sentences.

--> common tests have started.

--> finally an instructor for drama.

--> auditions - screwed up (what's new)

--> last drama session was drama - i think i make a good counsellor.
--> got a role in inspired media's machinima project. small role, disappointed but i feel better knowing tthe rest of the cast are veterans and professional thespians - think macbeth, twelfth nights.

--> chinese results are out. got a C. was estatic, though i've come to recognise that it's not that good, but by and large, it probably is for my standard.

--> broke from online shopping, but that's not surprising.

--> applied for ibanking and THEY SENT MY SECURE DEVICE TO MY OLD HOUSE, OF WHICH I SHIFTED FROM 8 YEARS AGO.

--> went for econs seminar at NTU (nanyang island as adriene so affectionately calls it, though i've come to know why)

--> went for econs seminar, paid attention to the 1st two speaker for like 2 hours, slept for an hour and the half after break, THEN LEFT DURING LUNCH. yup. we just left. gonna get screwed but who really cares. it was like a whole day thing and we gathered at like 7AM and the will be dismissed at like probably 7PM?!
ALPHA or not, remind me never to go for another seminar again. i'm not a masochist - paying for torture.

that's just what happened today and yesterday.
i feel like a goldfish.

2008-03-01T18:31:00.002+08:00

certifiably insane.

i've got a sneaky feeling i'm going out of my mind.
i'm selling my vivitar.
my vivitar.

MY VIVITAR!

i can't believe i just did that.
i sold my vivitar.
great. just great.

I NEED A HOLGA FOR CONSOLATION.

2008-02-25T17:57:00.002+08:00

we are, each of us, angels with only one wing; can we can only fly by embracing one another.

angels in disguise. makes us stop and ponder doesn't it?

i'm starting to believe that these angels do exist. in the form of normal and seemingly insignificant people. maybe "angel" in itself is a hyperbole. maybe just normal everyday people who, in their smallest ways, make life a lot brighter.

it never fails to amaze me when i met people who are truely nice. like strangers. it's just weird how someone you don't know at all can somehow feel like a friend. it's the tiniest things they do that makes me go "wow...there ARE nice people around." people who do things without expecting anything in return. people who say things you'd never have expected.

cliche as it may sound, it's these people who are the tealight candle in the dark. maybe i'm just too harsh on myself, having been and maybe still am a perfectionist. it's just that maybe sometimes, people see you differently. with a different perspective. they say the least expected things and "KABOOM!" a supernova explodes and the world's a much brighter place.

i'm not so much of a perfectionist as i once was anymore. i think i lost it almost as soon as i stepped out from my convent enclave. maybe i'm much too easily satisfied these days. that can be one possibility.
the other can be that i'm just going cuckoo.

angels in disguise by corrinne may

I woke up this morning feeling kind of blue
and I stumbled out of bed and
dragged my feet across the room
Right outside my front door was a rose
and a note that said 'Somebody Loves You'

But out on the street it starts to pour
and before I get soaking wet,
A total stranger runs to give me
the jacket off his back
I turn around to thank him
But he waves me with a smile
And I can hardly believe my eyes
He puts on a halo and starts to fly

Take a look at the ordinary
Don't need to look for Paradise
You could be next to
an angel in disguise

I met a good friend for lunch
and we had a delicious meal
But I forgot to bring my wallet
I felt like an imbecile
But she was sweet, she gave me a treat and
Bought me a chicken sandwich
To take home for tea

But out on the street with nothing to eat
A man and his shopping cart go
Travelling to places
Collecting social graces
I give him my sandwich
and we chatter for a while
I see a rainbow wash over his eyes
He gives me his halo and
I start to fly

Take a look at the ordinary
Don't need to look for Paradise
You could be next to
an angel in disguise

Don't try to hide away from me
I know you're by my side

Take a look at the ordinary
Don't need to look at Paradise
You could be next to
an angel in disguise
Everyday can be legendary
Every minute, an endless surprise
You could be the next angel in disguise

I woke up this morning
Feeling kind of new

2008-02-24T17:34:00.012+08:00

another place, another time.

i've decided to stop procrastinating and post some pictures tree uploaded recently. they're like a month old thanks to her because she took eons to upload them. and we're still waiting for the swine to upload hers.

pictures are taken at 85, new york and chimes :)

the nostalgia of 85...reminds me of the fond memories of sac and the yummilicious food near by.

jo and val:)

the most glamorous people you'll ever meet.

i think ethel's cute...

isn't she? (no i'm not turning lesbian..i happen to like my men very much)

i like this picture a lot :)

grumpy ol' val..she's gonna grow up a horrible old lady who lives in a shoe.

big green chairs! :)

don't ask. i have no idea what that was.

candy candy cane :)

yummmmmm

5ofus

we'll NEVER make it as ah lians.

go bananas! :)

don't you just love chimes? the quaint little town..

the artsy picture of the night.

spiral stairs! love this picture :)

looks like an old colonial house innit?

i'm gonna hook an irish man and we'll spend every sunday at chimes.

we should have more wells in singapore..they're pretty:)

and so are we :)

still can't make it...some day, just some day, MAYBE they'll get tired of our failed attempts and just make us certified ah lians.

me likey this picture too:)

the non-functioning well...nevertheless..

i was soooo afraid i'd fall...

apparently i didn't so a bolder move!

and another!

love the blurry effect...

what she was doing i don't know...ang mohs looking at us that i know.

i think picture posts are very demanding. yes yes. they are.

2008-02-15T17:58:00.008+08:00

she glances at the photograph, and the pilot light of memory flickers in her eyes.

some people don't have the slightest sense of urgency.

coupled with a teacher who's a bitch who can't even go an extra mile (forget mile. she won't even go the extra meter), life can't get any worse.

it's not all laugh and play ya?

it's fucking annoying to have the leader just sit around and do absolutely nothing but laugh and play.

go ahead and expect someone else to take responsibility.

think it's funny? joking all day long? think again.

it's ANNOYING. and that's an understatement.

"she didn't want to take the key"

then open your mouth and insist that you need it!

don't realise how precious time is do you?

syf is drawing near and no one's bothered that we've yet to GET STARTED.

yup...the gold's gonna drop from heaven.

if i didn't need what i need so badly, i'd never have joined them this year. (yes i'm being vague on purpose.)

COP at syf will be so laughable won't it?

now my otherwise good day has been ruined.

oh well..moving on.

pictures from yesterday.

*i was having a bitch fit. putting up the pictures are cheering me up somewhat but i'm not gonna delete what i typed above.

pms can be a bitch. deal with it.

the cupcakes val and i baked! :)) they taste pretty good -i DID receive compliments ya?- they look rather ugly here because i've yet to refrigerate it so the icing's somewhat watery..

geography "field trip"! hahaha we had human geog outside the school. counting mode of transports that pass us at different stations. that's mr sahlan who insisted that we used the traffic light! the girlies and i were situated at...............

THE BUS STOP! :) yup..so we could sit and camwhore and whatnot :)

whole lot of balloons at outside the council room!

the guys getting punished during econs. pretty weird and "innovative" punishment. raising your non-writing arm for the entire hour at 90 degrees. jie wei was good entertainment with regards to his punishment :)

melody coming into econs mid-lesson with all those balloons and flowers :))

(upon seeing melody through the door's window)

jie wei: WHOA!!! (after commotion) melody looked like she flew in la!

us decorating mr lim's car with balloons :) miss him!

with jerry's extremely cute bears that says "boo to cupid" and "anti-valentine's day"

i got rather bored during gp =/

majiong during chinese!

but with chinese characters inscribed on them.

NONE of us, decendants on the ang moh clan, could play, so we ended up playing tower blocks :) TCB got slightly annoyed i guess but he can't blame us! anyways we got let off early because he had a date. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

my tiles! pretty :)
(on my wanting to place two stars as my thingy - you know..the cards that are good that you show? sorry..i don't know how to play majiong!)
TCB: YOU WANT PUT THE STARS! THEY ARE SPECIAL TILES! NOT CHARACTERS! besides, tell me what word you can form with them?
me: eh...xin xin? (xin xin means star in chinese. a singular xin is used too. so when you put 2 together you get star - literally!)

the note from "hong boon" that came with a -get this- HOT PINK rose :) hong boon knows me so well doesn't he? HAHAHA!

alright..they were from berlyn! she even wrote in chinese to make it more realistic! HAHA! :)

the VERY GORGEOUS white rose from val :)) she's a sweetheart. sent it via inter-jc flower exchange so it was delivered :) the prettiest single stock of white rose ever :) it's the only rose still surviving till this moment! (i hope i didn't jsut curse myself =/)

p.s. i love the picture at the start of the entry. shows how gorgeous the rose is :)

the note that came with val's white rose :)

my hot pink rose :) picture isn't edited! i love how it turned out :)

collage of the flowers :) pink daisy was given by the guys..sweet of them to go buy the class flowers :) emily and adriene sent jayne and i a rose each too! sweet :) and they just HAD to try and write the most ridiculous and ah lian note in twit language which came with the roses!

what did sandra give me? A HANGER. yes, a HANGER. god knows if it was for me to hang myself or hang her. but it's so typical of her. macs coupons, a carton of milk, and i can't remember what other rubbish she gave me during our secondary school days!

my ah lian friend. so typical of her.once an ah lian, always an ah lian. but i still love her :)

the pretty mug designed by melody :)

oh oh! and emily made chocolates which i just ate. they're really good! not too sweet :) adriene gave really tiny and cutesy balloons. bite-size. like her! :) and jayne's was soooo her. the cutesy cutesy stuff! LOL!

pictures do you good when the day has been a sucky one. :)

2008-02-14T20:08:00.002+08:00

the martyr who died for love.

valentines day or single awareness day.
lots of fun today:)

made cupcakes with val yesterday :)
i'm still so sorry that i took so many cupcakes and you had to share the remaining with your sister.
told her 2 packs of flour won't be enough!
anyways...my virgin attempt at baking, or rather, at making something edible other than instant noodles.

it turned out pretty well:)
i only took a tiny bite from the 1st batch though..wanted to eat 1 like yesterday and was so tempted today but i decided to give them away.
received compliments for my cupcakes:))

will post pictures of the cupcakes (i forgot to take pictures of the process!) together will those taken today tomorrow :)

oh oh!

(walking into gp - flowers on the window grills from the guys)
glenn: emily take one, adrienne take one, jerine take one, jayne take a sit.

as a form of punishment for not doing their econs homework, the guys were made to raise their non-writing arm for an hour. - jie wei's hands were always doing everything else...tie shoe laces when they're perfect, searching his bag, resting on the table, EVERYTHING.
this time, he was fiddling with the gifts.

(fiddling with gifts)
ms tan: jie wei!
jw: (grabs a pack of tissue from his bag) blow nose blow nose!
ms tan: not fair to the others who have been raising their arms ya? (because his was pertetually down)
jw: not fair? orh...(passes the packet of tissue to the guys)

hahahahaha...hilarious.
and those are just two of the many many funny things that happened today:))

and i received a HOT PINK rose from hong boon.
HAHAHAHAHA.
berlyn's da bomb!

love love! pictures up tmr :)

2008-02-12T17:23:00.000+08:00

little gestures that speak volume.

i'm still smiling :)

it's amazing how the littlest things in life can brighten your entire day.

and the person responsible for it might not even know it. it might not have been intentional.

a little "oh" made my day today :)

sounds ridiculous but true.

but this "affection" isn't going to last long i bet.

i'll give it till the end of the week.

i know i'm speaking in circles and not making much sense but i like it that way.

made personalised stamps today!

and girlies and i missed extra math lesson for that.

hahaha..mrs foong was nice enough though..that is unless we don't complete our assignments by friday.

made a set for daddy because he collects stamps and made a g8 set for myself but the g8 set didn't turn out well because the gup when to crop it even after i did the cropping!

so it's all heads and nothing else =/

there are times when i wish time would just stop for as long as i need a breather.

2008-02-09T19:08:00.000+08:00

if dogs didn't smell and could clean up after themselves, men and dogs would be worlds apart.

love that puppy in the picture above..torro:)
he's such a darling and he doesn't smell! cutest thing in the world..
looks like a bear though..i like:)

chinese new year has been alright..
lesser red packets though. beats me why it's so..
grandma's place wasn't as crowded as it used to be, nor was horizon towers..

oh well...but gambling at horizon was fun :))
good to see everyone all high and happy..i swear i nearly cried from laughing..
breast power! HAHAHAHAHA!

if everyday could be like that:)

oh oh! and i had another bimbo moment last wednesday..
i was on the phone with my aunt who wanted to know how to work some function on the phone..
because we had the same phone i wanted to refer to my phone and teacher her step by step ya?
so i started rummaging frantically in my bag for my phone..
"oh no! oh no! sandra! (slaps sandra beside me) I CAN'T FIND MY PHONE! oh no!!! where's my phone?!"

and you know what?

i was holding the phone to my ear the entire time.

i could have died from embarrassment. there were so many people looking at me on the train!

a similar thing happened in school 2 weeks ago..
adriene, ber, jerry and i were walking up to the library and i think ber was commenting on the way jerry was holding his uniform.
and i started panicking. because i wasn't carrying mine..
"shit! adriene! i lost my uniform!"
then i started searching..
"erm...you're wearing it"
i wanted to bury my head like an emu.

bimbo moments are not good.

2008-02-06T23:15:00.000+08:00

memories don't fade. right?

i'm right am i not? please let me be.

my grand-daddy is losing his memory.

it's like not diagnosed but it's evident :(

memories don't fade. right?

i realised it after reunion dinner tonight. after incidences recounted by my grandmother and my own observations.

and it's probably only the beginning.

memories don't fade. right?

i've had multiple breakdowns since this realisation struck.

i love him.

though i've never really told him but i do.

i'm so very afraid that i might lose him. to anything.

memories don't fade. right?

age is claiming its fee on both my grandparents.

my grandmother has breathing difficulties and my grandfather's knees are failing him. plus this.

memories don't fade. right?

i've never liked losing. never. i had to win everything i did, otherwise i won't do it at all.

i don't like losing anything. nor anyone.

please don't let things go in a downward spiral.

i love them.

memories don't fade. right?

2008-02-03T14:37:00.000+08:00

it was a blur.

the last update was eons ago so i decided to stop being lazy and update!
that said, i have no idea as to what i'm gonna blog about.

the past 2 weeks have been a blur.
everything went by so fast, so much has happened blah blah blah...

oh yes...if there's one thing i'm fretting over, it's that I HAVE YET TO BUY MY NEW YEAR CLOTHING!

right..so i know i've spent 748257038467 dollars shopping online, but see..most stuff that i buy are not what i'd wear for new year.
online shopping's drying up my bank account.
cny's not gonna make a difference because what's the point of getting red packets during cny when you can't spend a single cent of it?

and i'm gonna do up a picture entry soon...but i'm still waiting for pictures from that swine who's so lazy to send it and the auzzie whose internet connection isn't up yet.

oh oh! and i've got a new haircut again if you haven't seen me in the past week..
there are people who think it's nice but i think it makes me look fat so yes..

cny doesn't seem so exciting anymore..

2008-01-24T11:07:00.000+08:00

simplicity at its best.

right..so i haven't updated the the longest time.
i'm still waiting for val and tree to send the pictures - it's been EONS.

i've been spending too much money online! i've declared myself bankrupt until my allowence for next month eases the drought.

tree left this morning...i'll miss her.
one more year. one more year till i'm liberated from this cell called JC.
one more year and we'll be in hong kong together :)

a lot's been happening since i last updated.
not that i remember them..

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i ~~think~~ know i've changed a lot in the past few months.
i'd never have thought myself capable of the change, doing things i've never imagined myself doing.
maybe it's what people call "growing up". but i don't really know what that means.
is it growing up really?

it doesn't matter.
i know it's for the better.

last monday during chinese we were supposed to write about our dreams. not what we aspire to be, no. but DREAMS.
dreams don't have to be realistic.

if i was asked to do that piece of assignment last year, i just know what i'd write.
that i dream of marrying a rich man, being an empowered woman, yada yada..typical stuff that three quaters of the class wrote.

but this time, last monday, i found myself with nothing to write.
not that i don't wish to marry a rich man and whatnot, it's just that those things don't seem to matter that much anymore.
it's there, but it's not important.

and the first thing that came to my mind during my little brainstorm, or rather drizzle, was laos.
maybe for some people of the ocip group, laos was a long ago thing. it starts getting old.
I feel that it's getting old too.
but somehow, it never fails to creep into my daily life.
it humble me that's for sure.
and most of the change i see in myself was probably due to that trip.

i still didn't know how to pen my thoughts.
laos. so?
so for the sake of completing the assignment, i wrote about how i dream of every kid in the world having a happy childhood.
i do dream of that.
but there was a nagging feeling at the back of my head that told me that wasn't it. it wasn't why laos came to mind.
because the children there DO have happy childhood.

so what do i really dream of?
ask me that last year and i would have rattled on till the cows came home.
but now? now what?

clarence told me that i should have - and hold- some dreams.
he said it'd be a source of motivation, and without it life would be somewhat pointless.
and i told him dreams are the building grounds of disappointment.
with dreams come disappointment.
and maybe it's because i've been too much of a dreamer all my life.
i have. i used to think that i'm a born dreamer. i was born to dream. i live to dream.

it's not like i don't have dreams now.
it's more like i don't DARE to dream.
i'm too afraid of disappointments.

i told clarence that without dreams i won't be disppointed.

but will i be happier without dreams?
will living life by the day make me happier?

am i missing out on too much to avoid disappointment?

maybe that's why i long to be a child again.

2008-01-11T17:51:00.000+08:00

the cycle that never ends.

ever been surrounded by a million people (hyperbole, hyperbole) and still feel lonely?

i have.

it's amazing how pretentious humans can be isn't it?

the plastered smile, the polite conversations.

somethings will never go the way you want it to go.

you can wait for days, weeks, months and years, it'd just never take form.

i call gisella "emotionally detached".

maybe it isn't such a bad thing after all..

i mean life doesn't just stop like that.

it moves on...people move on.

the people you once thought you knew will change. they move on.

went to clarity with the girls, jerry and li hao(adriene's man).

met them at bugis after chinese..

they insisted paying for my meal -a late birthday treat-

and that was it. it all stops there.

the obligatory treat i guess..

i supposed that was why i didn't want the treat. they felt obliged to do so.

pointless isn't it?

the people who can be there aren't there, and the people who are might as well not be.

2008-01-04T22:19:00.000+08:00

that fairytale facade they give life.

i've got this desperate need to cry. don't ask me why..i'd very much like to know too.

so much is welling up, and there's this desperate need for release.

numbing myself won't last very long would it?

the oblivious state in which i present myself to the world.

it's not working. the masks are cracking.

bows and flows of angel hair, and castles in the clouds.

but now they serve only to block the sun.

so many thing i would have done. but chances are hard to come by, and succuming to heaven's cruel jokes makes me laugh in disgust.

that dizzy dancing feeling i've immersed myself in has to fade soon.

fairytales aren't real. i just liked to think of them that way.

it is easy to live in that fragment of my imagination.

life being breathed out of a souless living is a ridicule. i'm not going to subject myself to that.

but life's just another show.

even if you care, don't let them know. don't give yourself away.

tears and fears, and proud feelings.

friends are acting strange.

something's obviously lost, but there's something to learn each day.

dreams and schemes and all of life's illusions.

to know that just one person's life has been made better because of me would be worth it.

2008-01-03T21:01:00.000+08:00

loved, appreciated and remembered.

so school's in again...and only the J1s are cheering - literally.
but it's been pretty alright so far though..just that i think chinese is wasting a hell lot of my time..though gisella thinks it's considered destressing =/

anyways..i'm really happy today :)
my forever 21 hoodie came in the mail - it's like christmas :)
and i recieved a picture and a note from pyrena!
so sweet! i seriously miss ocip and the people..
damn damn much.

and i found out something else yesterday that doesn't sit quite so well.
i'm not even worth about a full $5000.
yup...my well-being is not even worth that much.
my health, my life.

it hurts. a lot.
the hurt he's caused is so much more than the pain itself.
now i know. i know.
i don't even care if i'm going for that minor surgery anymore.
so he'd rather i wait for a subsidised treatment rather than pay a little more to relief me of the pain.
but the pain's nothing now.
nothing.

2007-12-31T16:17:00.000+08:00

a new year's resolution is something that goes in one Year and out the other.

2007 is coming to an end, and i can't be happier.
though that doesn't mean i'm welcoming 2008 with open arms, confetti and balloons.

this year has sort of been a rollercoaster -though i dare say 2008 will definately be worse.

one thing i know for sure is that i'm thankful for everything 2007 has brought along..the good, the bad, and the ugly.

i'm thankful for my family 1st and foremost, and i know this sound cliched, but for without them, i don't think i'd have made it through the year.

and then comes the friends. the new friendships that i've forged this year, some for which i will really treasure. and the old, which have stood strong - for them, i am eternally indebt. the G8 i will love forever, we've lasted 3 years despite the different schools, and not to mention countries. you guys have always been there, through the lowest, most awful point in my life this year. i know i'm not good with friends..people judge before they look so i'm really thankful for you guys who bothered to really really look.
really...i value friendships a lot..maybe too much sometimes..but even for all the times i was taken for grated, i've learnt something.
i means something.

i've enjoyed school this year. i really have; save the tests and exams that nearly drove me to the brink.
the people made it good.
more unlikely, the teachers too.
i've never had teachers like the ones i've have this year.
teachers who double up as friends. they make school seem slight more pleasant.

i think i've grown a lot this year. spiritually, emotionally, mentally, whatever.
but yea..so maybe 2007 has been good in that way.
people who knew me before this year would have noticed the change.
i believe it's a good one..
i have grown. from everyday experience to special trips. they taught me something.
it probably made me a better person. i hope it has. or maybe i know it has.
i hope everyone else has learnt and grown this year.
another year has slipped away...only god knows how many we have left.

2008 will be mug-filled.
but bring it on.

happy new year to all :)

2007-12-28T11:18:00.000+08:00

butter chicken? i'd rather eat sand.

okay..not really. but yes, butter chicken really is overrated.
and i'm back :))
one day early i know..appears i made calculation errors.

and i nearly missed the flight back home.

and i'm sick sick sick :(

will update again with pictures when i feel like it :)

true love lasts a lifetime for some. it did for him and his queen.

maybe santa forgot to bring me mine.

2007-12-20T10:57:00.000+08:00

bye world :) i'll be back on the 29th :)

miss me :)

2007-12-19T22:17:00.001+08:00

i hope it lasts...

flying to india tomorrow morning! :)
hopefully it'd be good.

today's a happy happy day :)
tea with g8 except nicole the pig who refused to come.

and daddy got me a christmas present!
i don't think it's that expensive but nevertheless..
didn't expect one cause my lappy was supposed to be both my birthday and christmas present.
it's from river island :)

it's a barret..hahahaaha.
i never expect my daddy to know river island existed, let alone know about barrets..
maybe he just saw the picture i took with jo on my screensaver :)

i'm a happy happy girl!
for more reasons than one :))

2007-12-19T11:35:00.000+08:00

hope is the thing with feathers.

and i hope this takes flight.

2007-12-16T10:20:00.000+08:00

christmas comes early for those who have been good all year round :)

HAHAHAHAHA....
i just received a letter in the mail yesterday, and i'm $200 dollars richer.
okay..not YET. i'll have to wait till next year.

but still...good progress award.
i have to ask a question - WHAT PROGRESS?!
hahahahahahahaha...
my grades have been relatively constant no?
but then again, it's money so i'm not complaining :)

just a few weeks ago i was still whining at the fact that bursary awards are useless.
why?
BECAUSE I GET THEM EVERY YEAR AND I DON'T QUALIFY FOR IT.
how frustrating is that?
every year, at the end of november, a letter comes telling you you've done well enough to get some money.
then it mockingly goes "HA! YOU DON'T QUALIFY!" straight into your face.

i mean right? if the government wants to give awards based on merit, those who are good enough shold just get the money without haveing to fulfill the dumb condition of a monthly household income of less than $4000.

HOW MANY FAMILIES TODAY BELONG TO THAT CATEGORY?
i've got 3 working adults in the family la..
even if i don't i don't think that criterior can be fulfilled.
i'm gonna go live with my grandparents.

presenting the useless:

and the not-so-useless-though-they-could-have-been-more-generous:

hokai..shan't be a bitch.
it's been 5 years since i've gotten the good progress thingy mahjigy..
the government should give more money.
i think they have too much.

but whoo hoo..maybe now i can get myself a coloured holga:)
but the mother knows about it so chances are i won't get to spend it on anything i like without her approval.
thanks.

anyways..got myself a vivitar camera from some guy online..
i'm starting to regret it though i don't know how the pictures are gonna turn out..
i should have just gotten myself a holga as planned.
oh wells..i'll save and get it next year :)

i'm damn near to being bankrupt.

2007-12-13T17:40:00.000+08:00

leaves and notes sprouting from a golden coin.

i'd love to plant a newly produced, bright and shiny dollar coin if it'd produce some notes.

shopping with sandra today..MANGO SALE :))

yes..crazy as it sounds, we met at 7 so that we'd be there by 8 when mango opens it's doors.

I HAVE NEVER, I REPEAT, NEVER BEEN SO TYPICALLY SINGAPOREAN MY ENTIRE LIFE.

but of course..for sandra it was normal. LOL!

so yes..we arrived at scott's mango at like 7.40 and we QUEUED outside.

and get this : WE WEREN'T THE 1ST.

we were like 3rd :)

hahahaha...you have no idea how ridiculous it was queueing outside mango.

so yes..the queue started to build up, and those people won't let us in till 8 on the dot.

nevertheless, i liked it :))
i like shopping when it's not so crowded..crowds are a major turn-off.

we blew $192 (me) and $275 (sandra)...

that's in addition to the $69 coat and 2 other tops mummy bought me from the mango private sale yesterday.

but i think it was worth it :)

EXCEPT my belt. stupid me forgot that belts have sizes too so i changed the belt AFTER i tried it on, and to my dismay, i changed it to a slightly shorter one.

$25 wasted...and i really like it:(

i wanna sell it away..anyone slightly slimmer than me would have no prob..and needless to say, the skinny ones..

any takers? i'll sell it at $20 :(

SOMEBODY PLEASE BUY IT...I CAN'T POSSIBLY KEEP IT :(

IT'S BRAND NEW. WITH TAGS :))

queueing! camwhoring to pass time. :)

tick tock tick tock...

the "before" shopping bags..containing our personal bags that had to be cable-tied =/

queues for fitting rooms weren't long but they have that annoying 5 pieces rule.

the "after" bags :)
my very neat purchases on the left and sandra's very untidy purchases on the right.

the really pretty and colourful art displays outside hyatt hotel :)

2007-12-10T21:38:00.000+08:00

WHAT'S THE POINT OF HAVING MONEY WHEN YOU CAN'T SPEND IT?!

i'm depressed.
AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i want a holga k-200 camera!
sure, it looks like a toy camera, but i want it! :(
i just can't buy it now because i've been spending so much money over the past few days!
if i transfer $60 bucks to another account, my mum will demand to know where it went.
AND THERE'S A SPREE GOING ON BUT NOBODY WANTS TO BUY IT SO THERE'S NOT ENOUGH ORDERS TO GET IT FOR $45 :(

if anoyone's interested go to the following website k?
please???
so that i can get it too.
http://khloee.livejournal.com/4642.html#cutid1

i hate it when i want something, can afford it, but can't get it. :(
and i can't get a holga 120CFN as well because of the same reason - i can't spend so much in such a short time span.
how fair is that?!
and the holga 120CFN is expensive too.
UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...............
:( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(

2007-12-08T21:28:00.000+08:00

one butter chicken!

newsflash: I'M GOING TO INDIA.
no kidding.
surprising is it not? first laos and now india. what the hell is wrong with jerine?
how about everything? i'm actually amazed at myself. 1 year ago i would never have volunteered to do community work, let alone go all the way to laos to do it.
and a year ago, europe was the place to conquer on my to-go list.
it's funny how people change huh?

those who knew me in secondary school, namely the 8s and the hand full who were close to me, are shocked at the person i'm coming to be.
wide eye wonder.
i was miss prim and proper. a perfectionist.
i didn't fancy kids, never liked getting dirty, i would never have associated myself with the typical ah lians and chinky people, well, yeah. and basically, in life everything had to be perfect.
or near perfection.

maybe i'm finally growing up.
maybe.
god knows...

and anyways...going to india definitely wasn't my idea.
the father thought it was time for a change since i've been going to expensive places for the past few years.
oh well...at least it's northern india and not southern.
how knows? maybe i'll snag some a-list hottie from bollywood.
or maybe just bring val the northern indian pilot she's pining for.

been hanging out with the girlies for the past few days.
val just came back from japan and now she's off to vietnam.
and when she comes back, tree will be back to. and i'm leaving.
greatness.

2007-12-04T13:20:00.000+08:00

work is nearly as overrated as paris hilton without underwear.

if there's one thing that's annoying the ants in my pants, it's the fact that EVERYONE is working.
well damn near everyone.

that's the problem with holidays.
before it approaches, everyone yearns for it, and make plans as if they're malibu barbie instead of regular 17 year olds.
but when it comes around, everyone scrambles around, looking for a job as if their life depended on it.
and when they've found a keeper, you can kiss whatever you've planned goodbye.

and because i'm not working, what have i got to do but ROT?
no, i'm not going to hit town alone.

i must admit i'm fortunate enough to spend half of my year-end school vacation overseas.
and just because this is the 1st year in 47890276582907643 years that i'm stucked in singapore during this period, i'm bored out of my wits.
i'm moulding. it shouldn't surprise me to find fungi growing on my arms soon.

and it's that fortune that cause this misfortune.
having travelled to most usual holiday destinations, and the not so usual ones, i've got limited places left to go.
and no, i still refuse to go to china. sorry, i'm biased that way.

singaporeans are getting too rich too quickly.
there are no more private tours going anywhere i want to go.
at this time, even tour group tours don't matter.
i just want to go somewhere! okay...somewhere that i WANT to go.

central europe's getting a tad boring. afterall, when you've been to london, paris, switzerland, germany, italy, there are not many places left for holidaying.
but there's still spain and holland that i wanna go to :)
and boring is an understatement for asia. japan and korea are have-beens, so are hong kong, bali, thailand, nepal, you know the likes...blah.
austalia just doesn't appeal to me.
new zealand has to wait till my aunt goes back. she's a pr there.
and apparently my parents aren't interested in a road trip in america. LA's conquered territory, but that was eons ago. i've only got pictures as memory. my dad's been there so many times he couldn't tell me how many. a few for my mum too.

just a random note, i was made in america.

so yes. there are places i want to go. plenty.
just that people don't usually go to these places.
i wanna go to south america; brazil, columbia, venezula....
how many people you know have actually been there?
africa too. south africa, kenya..
EASTERN EUROPE! russia, east germany, poland, many!

now the only place that we can go is MELBOURNE.
oh joy...
life can't get any better can it?

anyone wants to take me somewhere?
i'm on the brink of hurting myself.

2007-12-02T19:58:00.000+08:00

and she appeared from the manhole.

pictures from towning with nic and sandra :)

don't come near......

or i'll SHOOT :)

2007-12-02T18:37:00.000+08:00

the hair is growing. the hair is growing.

but not fast enough! :(

i want my long long hair back.

but it's growing!!!

please grow faster...pretty please?

hallelujah! it's growing :) it's not so short anymore :))

2007-12-02T14:37:00.000+08:00

overdued pictures :)

but of course...i'm not gonna post all of them ;)

1st lunch at chiang mai before the long 26 hour journey to luang prabang, laos. cabbages and condoms. cool huh?

they kept their words...no thai babies made =/

condom flowers!

sunset at the laos border after crossing mekong river on a sampan.

city tour at luang prabang. taken at some temple..

a really tiny puppy :) laos is one big animal farm..

clarence with the pup - he's good with animals.

some mountian we climbed during city tour. phousi mountian. sounds wrong.

1st dinner at luang prabang. dinner was good :)

and after dinner, the lights went out.

me: eh! blackout!

paveena: it's just a poor attempt to surprise you with a cake.

mrs ting bought a cake from Joma bakery :))

never expected my birthday to be remembered, let alone celebrated :)

i'm touched by the people who remebered..pyrena, paveena, nivitra, mel, atikah, wen jie :)

tamil hard at work trying to finish the last piece of cake we stuffed him with.

outside xayana guesthouse with ton - atikah thinks he's cute ;p

mr jeremy's bike :) people there don't ride with licences.

during our 1st reflection.

atikah's reflections for the day. actually, it's like that almost everyday. filled with redundant stuff. and ton.

breakfast over at new daraphet. it's just across xayana. we stayed at 3 different guesthouses.

mr jeremy and arif.
planning! project extreme makeover, tpjc - luang prabang edition.

thumbie standing around using EYE POWER yet again.

mr jeremy's FAT cat which lives at the guesthouse. it looks like puss in boots from shrek :)

keith sleeping. and DREAMING. he sleep talks :p

group A1 :)

at the primary school. see the balloons? i made 99.99999% of them. so much for teaching and group work huh?

interaction with the kids :) i swear they NEVER run out of energy.

the twins :) a lot of twin there..these two are my favourite :) yes, i'm bias.

random shot at the night market near the guesthouse. i forgot to take pictures of the streets and cafes too :(

noi ning :) i like calling her ning nong. :)

nina :) she's pretty!

poopy! she's damn cute i swear.

the boy who keeps putting crabs in my pockets. he tried to put in down my shirt too. poor carb died a horrible death. some kid that's rather protective of me smashed it. hahaha. ouch.

when one door closes, try the window. yep, it's difficult to keep them out.

the REALLY tall bamboos we chopped with parangs to make fences and swings :) it took me forever to get one down but some 13 year old boy did it with 3 chops.

onn :) my hero! having luch my the corridoor one afternoon when paveena said "jerine, DON'T MOVE" i turned around, only to find a HUGE mambo jambo dog beside me. so yes, i screamed like madness and onn CARRIED the huge dog away! so sweet la..my knight in shining armour :)

pop and her little sister mew. pop's adorable to the max.

us cam-whoring at some cave during R&R day because we were soooo NOT interested in the millions of buddhas in the cave that we travelled so long to see =x

atikah: my unglam counterpart.

pyrena and i at lunch. she's my bus mate :)

random sunset on the most boring rest and recreation trip ever. UNTIL.....

the WATERFALL:) it was fun going into the water knowing we weren't supposed to :)

us! bur, but nice :)

see the 7 idiots who risked their lives walking across the falls? it was worth it. highlight of the day:) even thumbie's long lecture after that was worth it.

jerald, or jerald-INE. hahaha. pass your camera to a guy like him for safekeeping and he ends us cam whoring.

paint the mural! not friends! LOL. a work of art. my masterpiece :) tim doesn't look to happy though. hahaha.

tim did the one on berlyn. she said i should have done his without mercy.
the night we decided to have dinner on our own. it was good :) come to think of it, anything would be actually..especially after days of eating the same food.

sneakers! taken on the swing at new daraphet. i forgot to take a picture of it again. :(

outdoor cooking! we got rather grossed out though..i would have thought it better had i not been in the cooking group. so....

...i decided to continue doing my part for the mural instead of cooking :) see the cresent and stars? it was done in near darkness and mostly free-hand because the pencil markings were gone. i'm proud of it. i did a really nice circle free hand on the laos flag too :)

sonika and mon :)

she's really pretty isn't she?

emomei! that's her name. haha. emo mei. suits her well because she rarely smiles! she opened up though..pretty and cute when she laughs! :))

i've learnt never to ask chang cheng to take pictures after this picture and the next one. that guy takes YEARS. and when you are about to give up and not ready, he snaps. does it on purpose!

my name in lao :))

pyrena and jeraldine.

indian dance group rocks :)

ning nong..a smile from the heart :)

wen jie and dj being BULLIES!

the lovely kaisone :) she's the one who drew me a picture :)

choi and noong.

3 out of the 6 who painted the mural. see the flags??? i'm proud of them :))

tip. my favourite twins younger sister :)

xayana! taken just before leaving luang prabang.

sexy tim at the night market on the last night at chiang mai.

us making our way back to the hotel on the mini bus. i swear we nearly didn't make it back. with mel and merin shouting "lor mak mak" (very handsome) out of the mini bus to that whole tuk tuk filled with crazy men, we would probably have gotten raped.

we're like the epitome of unglamness.

2007-11-30T17:43:00.000+08:00

i wanna be naughty naughty naughty. humpf.

in addition to my existing naughtiness, i think my current standing position on santa's naughty list is number 1.

but it's ok..if that's the only way to make me happy, so be it :)

towned with sandra and nikky yesterday, and we caught enchanted.

i've heard raves about that movie, nikky gave it 3 popcorns out of 5, sandra thought it was good, but personally?

i thought it was downright dumb.

if an airy fairy person like me, who believes in happily-ever-afters, thinks it's not worth the money, it's not worth the money.

and to think i'm a quintessential romantic.

that show is rubbish.

anyways..we went shopping and i'm a happy happy girl again :)

i would beg to differ a few weeks later though...my wallet feels mighty lighter.

bought quite a number of stuff :))

BUT the pair of slim gold havaianas that i've been waiting for?

i got it. but it's a size too big. STUPID ME STUPID ME STUPID ME. and i threw away the receipt.

yay me.

i've been lazy, yes, i have.

yet to do my post reflections for ocip, yet to hit the books, everything la..

and pictures!

heh...i've posted some on photoshare on tpjc.net, but just because the pictures from the mt k. and china trips irritated me a lot.

so yes, i will post some pictures here too, but not many...it takes too long.

whoops! i'll have to eat my words.

no pictures today!

2007-11-28T16:47:00.000+08:00

CRAZY...THE EGGS ARE THE BEST THING ON THE TABLE.

those were the wise words of melissa tan, said during that horrible dinner that the oudomxai hotel that we thankfully decided to not spend the night in.
and i remembered my table went "KOP CHAI LAI LAI! ...LAI LAI LAI LAI LAI" when the lady fried us another egg. kop chai means thank you and lai lai means very much.

but at my table, the best food wasn't the eggs.
ok..they were.
UNTIL i remembered i had a big pack of chips more in my bag which i bought before leaving luang prabang to finish up the kips.
yes. chips more.
it was heaven then.

right now i feel like crying.
i'm sitting in my room, snuggled under the covers with my laptop, a book and A SIMILAR BIG PACK OF CHIPS MORE.
and the weather is depressing too.
remember the days in laos when rain was non-existant?
the closest they had was light -and i mean real light- drizzle at night.

surprising how i didn't miss home when i was there.
what laptop? what smses all day long? what tv? orchard road? please...i'd much rather be at the night market.
now that i'm back all i do is ROT.
even going out with g8 doesn't hold as much charm as it used to.

i'm not going to get over this am i?

must be the chips more.

2007-11-27T15:34:00.000+08:00

sweet nostalgia

i miss laos.

i miss the group.

i miss the school.
i miss the kids.

i miss the people at the guesthouse.

i miss the swing at new daraphet.

i miss treating xayana like it was home.

i miss breakfast with the group.

i miss sneaking out at night to joma's, the night market, the restaurants, the mini mart.

i miss making up excuses when we're late for reflections.

i miss the long bus rides.

i miss laughing till my sides hurt with the group.

i miss getting into trouble with them.

i miss ganging up with them against thumb thumb.

i miss having lunch by mekong river everyday.

i miss playing in the river and getting soked with the kids.

i miss trying to clean the kids' wounds and all though i'm not the 1st aider but i end up doing it.

i miss walking to dinner every night and wondering if we're having different food because it's a different restaurant.

i miss walking down the street outside our guesthouse and talking to random tourists.

i miss that street outside our guesthouse, the bakery, the restaurants, the small shops, the big shops, everything.

i miss whining at meal times about getting the SAME food everyday.

i miss getting dirty and not bothering for the 1st time in my life.

i miss having kids chattering to me though i have absolutely no idea what they're trying to say.

i miss having kids fight over me.

i miss having kids come up to me randomly and holding my hands.

i miss having kids pulling me to random places.

i miss the smiles on their faces.

i miss playing with the kids.

i miss staying back in school to do the painting and having the kids stay back with us with torchlights.
i miss us asking for chilli padi at every meal and getting frustrated when it takes forever.

i miss us trying to be funny during reflections to annoy thumbie.

i miss the late night talks at new daraphet and xayana even though we're dead tired, but refuse to sleep because it would mean another day's over.

i miss mr jeremy choong's fat cat that reminds me of the one in shrek.

i miss screaming when HUGE random dogs appear out of no where at such close proximity.

i miss getting hangry and fangry.

i miss the times when the 5 of us were sick and got stuffed with pills.

i miss bargaining at the night markets till we're exhusted, pissed, and go back with a throbbing head.

i miss being away from civilisation and having to sit on my bed for 5 minutes everyday trying to figure out what day it was.

i miss having a FAT wallet because i just had too much kips.

i miss worrying over keeping too much kips because if i can't finish it i'll have to use them as toilet paper in singapore.

I MISS THE JOKERS IN OCIP THAT MADE THE TRIP WONDERFUL.

i miss the ocip group a lot a lot.

ship me back there please..or i'll find my way back in a slow bump boat.

and i'm still too lazy to post up pictures. besides..i still need someone to scan my favourite picture for me because....I FOUND THE POLAROID :)

ok...just one picture.

noi ning and i..of ning nong as i so affectionately call her :)

2007-11-25T19:32:00.000+08:00

i'm a happy happy girl :))

went shopping with mummy and she got me a new phone, a new epilator, and a new set of guess fragrance :))

woohoo!

i'm too happy to blog so....heh...ciao :)

2007-11-23T17:39:00.000+08:00

SABAIDI!!!

i'm back!
and yes, in one piece.
but i'm sick. yet again. have been since last friday =/

i miss laos like madness already!

and i've only been back for like what...4 hours?
during the short nap i had on the plane i dreamt of the kids again. and i woke up crying.
i miss them so much.
and i can't believe i misplaced the stuff they gave me.
the gorgeous blue and red plasticine flower some girl gave me.
the drawing kaisone gave me...a picture of me.
the PERFECT polaroid mel took for me when i left my camera at the school, of me with the kids when we swam in the mekong river.
if i continue thinking about it i'll cry again :(

all i can say is that i've learnt A LOT during this trip.
i grew up.
yes. i grew up.
as wen jie said, one year down the road we'll probably forget the kids and they'll probably forget us, no matter how much we miss them now.
but if there is one thing i know for sure, it's that i will never forget the life lessons i've learnt.
lessons that were taught by the kids.
lessons that may perhaps seem cliche.
lessons that may be insignificant to others.
i've learnt them.
i really have.

i'll update more along with pictures when i upload them.

my 17th was fun...would have been better if it wasn't the 2nd day of the trip and 1st night at luang prabang and that we didn't know each other that well yet.
i'm really touched that people i knew for like less than a month would remember my birthday and set alarms to wish me and sing a song at 12am singapore time even though we were on a tortureous bus ride.
and another song later in the day, and another at dinner.
and that yummilicious cake mrs ting bought from Joma bakery :)
they really did make the 17th a good one.
you would think that someone closer would have done more. it didn't even come close.

12 november 2007. it really was different this year.
different. better or worse. whatever that means.
it really was different. i thought wrong. i'm really disappointed. now i know.
they weren't worth it. all of it.
i feel stupid still clinging on to some hope now.
stupid. stupid. stupid.
empty promises. oh wait. what promises?

i came home today to find an envelope sitting on my table.
a birthday card from tree...i miss that girl truckloads.

it was a different world. a different life.
the smiles that came straight from the heart. the touches that touched my heart.

the memories will be engraved in my heart for life.
OCIP 2007.

2007-11-09T19:56:00.000+08:00

if life gives you lemons, make lemonade.

so i was procrastinating again, after i came home from lunch with val at fish and co - well i still am now.
she was sweet..she gave me a birthday treat :)
and anyways...you basically don't have much to do when you're procrastinating right?
yes. i'm too lazy to pack.

was going through my shelf and looking at old stuff when i came across my hymn book :)
i loved this story in there and i have no idea how many times i've read it.
some sacians probably never saw it in the hymn book.
it's really really nice. i'll put it up :)

On Nov 18, 1995, Itzhak Perlman, the violinist, came on stage to give a concert at the Avery Fisher Hall at Lincon Center in New York City.

If you've ever been to a Perlman concert, you know that getting on stage was no small achievement for him. He was stricken with polio as a child, and so he has braces on both legs and walks with the aid of two crutches. To see him walk across the stage one step at a time, painfully and slowly, is an awesome sight.

He walks painfully, yet majestically, until he reaches his chair. Then he sits down, slowly, puts his crutches on the floor, undoes the clasps on his legs, tucks one foot back and extends the other foot forward. Then he bends down and picks up the violin, puts it under his chin, nods to the conductor and proceeds to play.

By now, the audience is used to this ritual. They sit quietly while he makes his way across the stage to his chair. They remain reverently silent while he undoes the clasps on his legs. They wait until he is ready to play.

But this time, something went wrong. Just as he finished the first few bars, one of the strings on his violin broke. You could hear it snap - it went off like a gunfire across the room. There was no mistaking what that sound meant. There was no mistaking what he had to do.

We figured that he would have to get up, put on the clasps again, pick up the crutches and limp his way off stage - to either find another violin or else find another string for this one. But he didn't. Instead, he waited a moment, closed his eyesand then signalled the conductor to begin again.

The orchestra began, and he played from where he had left off. And he played with such passion and such power and such purity as they had never heard before.

Of course, anyone knows that it is impossible to play a symphonic work with just three strings. Iknow that, you know that, but that night Itzhak Perlman refuse to know that.

You could see him modulating, changing, recomposing the piece in his head. At one point, it sounded like he was de-tuning the string to get new sounds from them that they had never made before.

When he had finished, there was an awesome silence in the room. And then people rose and cheered. There was an extraordinary outburst of applause from every corner of the auditorium. We were all on our feet, screaming and cheering, doing everything we could to show how much we appriciated what he had done.

He smiled, wiped the sweat from his brow, raised his bow to quiet us, and then he said - not boastfully, but in a quiet, pensive, reverent tone - "You know, sometimes it is the artist's task to find out how much music you can still make with what you have left."

Perhaps that is the definition of life - not just for artists, but for all of us. Here's a man who has prepared all his life to make music on four strings, who, all of a sudden, in the middle of a concert, finds himself with only three strings; so he makes music with three strings, and the music he made that night was more beautiful, more sacred, more memorable, than any that he had ever made before, when he had four strings.

So, perhaps our task in this shaky, fast-changing, bewildering world in which we live, is to make music; at first with all that we have, and then when that is no longer possible, to make music with what we have left.

You've got to sing like you don't need the money.
Love like you'll never get hurt.
You've got to dance like nobody's watching.
You've got to come form the heart if you want it to work.

2007-11-09T10:33:00.000+08:00

she thought wrong. i thought wrong too.

val thought i was leaving next sunday. like on the 18.
well, she thought wrong.

silly girl...if i was leaving on the 18, i won't be spending my birthday in laos would i?
and she planned to celebrate my birthday on the day itself.

she called me and as soon as i answered the call she yelled "YOU'RE LEAVING THIS SUNDAY?! SANDRA SAID THIS SUNDAY! YOU TOLD ME NEXT SUNDAY!"

see...i when i said next sunday on monday i thought it meant the next sunday that was approaching.
i thought wrong.

but sandra knew...i wasn't wrong was i?
i told her last week that if she was the one planning we can forget about celebrating it already.
oh wells.

another year not celebrating my birthday :(
next year we'll be having As so it'd be another year.
it'd be 4 years.

i thought they'd remember. i thought wrong.
they forgot. yet again.
7.

2007-11-08T14:30:00.000+08:00

“Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody, I think that is a much greater hunger, a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat.” - mother teresa

2007-11-06T18:25:00.000+08:00

kicking with your hind foot whilst licking with your tongue.

hypocrites. what can i say? some people are just not as nice as they appear to be.
gleaming on the surface, but debauched within.
what a sleazeball.

"oh...no problem. just pass us ANYTHING. ANYTHING and we'll do it."
yeah right sucker. don't think i can't see past that supposedly angelic face. not that it's a pretty one to start off with.
excuses excuses.
fancy taking up a leadership position and not exercising qualities of a leader. please...I CAN DO BETTER.
all talk no action. empty vassels make the most noise. that's right. cliches become cliches because people have learnt the true meaning about them.
fucking annoying. you piss the shit out of me.

whatever happened to responsibility and initiative? oh wait...i doubt those words exist in your vocabulary.
and don't give me that smiley face of yours sucker.
IT'S REVOLTING.

busy? busy? with what?! farting peas at the moon?
please...here we are with REAL work to do and there you are immersed in your own world with WORK to do. get real.
don't just talk the talk young man. it's time to WALK the talk.

are you always this hypocritical? or are you making special effort today?

to think i'm getting so worked up over you and your pathetic little ways.
know what?
YOU'RE NOT EVEN WORTH IT.

i'm miffed. call be petty.
i just hate hate hate people like him.
living proof that manure can grow legs and walk.

now, if the members see this, i'm gonna be labelled bitch.
but i come in only a package. take it or leave it.
dont mess with me. especially not when the time of the month is approaching.
PMS's a bitch.

2007-11-05T12:07:00.000+08:00

rude awakening.

i woke up with a jolt this morning.
subconsciously, i ran my fingers through my hair and -
wait. whatthehellhappenedtomyhair?!
yes. i forgot that the long locks have henceforth been sawed away by the hairdresser, leaving me naked now.
no more running my fingers through my hair.
no more fiddling with random strands when i'm bored.
no more "i never knew your hair was that long" from random people.

my love affair with my once long and nicely coloured hair is over.
it was fun while it lasted.

now my short hair doesn't look that coloured anymore.
and the back sucks.
so does my sidde profile now.
please slap me the next time i say i feel like chopping my hair off.
not that there's any left to chop now.

to make matters worse, my clothes don't suit me now.
they look damn weird on me with short hair :(
i'm gonna turn into a butch.

oh ooh ooh! i just found out that it's my birthday today.
according to the chinese calander that is...
heh...keep that dates coming in bitches :)

12 november.
right. looking at the intinary for ocip i don't even know which part of the world i'd be in.
thailand? laos?
one thing i know for sure though...there's a tavel time of a whooping 6 hours.
yep. no kidding. 6 hours of nothingness.
the only thing we'll be doing that day is a 2 hour tour to temples and museums.
right.
i'm all hyped up.
sounds like great fun doesn't it?
whoopeedoo...

2007-11-04T15:32:00.000+08:00

new skin :)

i like it a lot...BUT i can't change the colour of my tagboard :(

2007-11-03T21:47:00.000+08:00

it's only when you're desperate that time developes characteristics like that of a sloth.

i feel like a klutz.
my hair is SHORT now. and i mean SHORT. i can't even tie it.
yes. THAT short.

and the hairdresser gave me WISPY bangs despite me telling her specifically not to.
rahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.........
=(

i look awful =(
and it has to be during this period.
this is the time for pictures!birthday, laos, holiday, chalet, christmas, new year, chinese new year.
thanks. thankyouverymuch.

and it doesn't help that i have to wear specs constantly now.
i look like a freaking primary school kid =(

the following were not 100% before, but they were at least 65% and above average no doubt?
now? NON-EXISTANT.
elegance: -NIL-
glamour: -NIL-
femininity: -NIL-
sophistication: -NIL-

plain jane factor: PLENTY

shoot me please.
i look like a primary school kid for some neighbourhood school =(

even this little guy here looks better than me.

i would never have thought so before my haircut.
doesn't this tree kangaroo look like a soft toy? :)

zoo today.
i nearly died.
my head just wouldn't stop pounding.
annoying kids didn't help.
but the animals were readdy active today.
butterflies galore too :))

and i HATE the kids from china that i met today.
stupid kids ought to be sent back to china in a slow bump boat.
damn kids kept traumatising and scaring the lemur and her 3 weeks old twins.
and when she was feeding (they breast feed ya?) no less.
and if that's not enough, they kicked her.

how uncouth. sheesh...the kind of upbringing they receive.
to make matters worse, their entire family was just standing there watching them.
and noooooooo they do NOT listen when you ask them not to do it.

emotional freaks of nature.

this is what the kind perople of the zoo get in return for letting animals run frees o that people can supposedly INTERACT and learn about conservation.
yeah...sure they're INTERACTING.

ought to be sent back to their firing squad back in chinkyland.

on a lighter note, oral presentation is over :))
though i totally screwed up the fluency and clarity of speech criterior.
i was so nervous being the 1st speaker.
and waiting for the 2 moderators who were LATE was nerve-wreaking.
my face was flamed and i was sitting so straight the accessors noticed and asked me to relax while waiting.

and the 2 additional moderators my group had didn't help much.
oh wells...how unfortunate.
and how unexpected...me? screwing up that criterior?
pffft....i was even expecting full marks for myself after dry run and that presentation we gave to some random class and random teacher.

anyways...shit happens.
touching up of i&r and we're done for the year :))

and i'll get shipped off to laos to blend in with the kids with my cuckoo hairstyle =(

2007-11-01T17:33:00.000+08:00

that voice that whispered. i should have listened.

i lost my wallet.

i seriously hope it's not the crew at macs.
because the really nice SA girl said the table was cleared before anyone actually occupied it.

there goes my wallet.

i'll hear no end from the mother.

anyways...luckily i lost it only when i went for breakie at macs with the rest.
AFTER i collected gissy's present.
if you actually see this,

happy birthday babe :)
hope you like the cuppies!
it's a bit plain but yea....there were supposed to be kittens instead of butterflies!
hohum...you've been wonderful girl :)
mornings are fun though sometimes all we do is stone.
lol!
hope your wish of having a fantastic day came true :)

the cuppies :)

they were cheaper than the ones i ordered the last time...and so much prettier :)

oral presentation tomorrow. i just pray i don't screw up=(

i don't want things to get worse than they already are.

2007-10-29T17:04:00.000+08:00

a good essay is 10% inspiration, 15% perspiration, and 75% desperation.

chinese A-levels are OVER :))
i thought the paper was difficult, but nevertheless, it's over!
i sincerely hope this is the last chinese exam, and that i won't have to sit for another for the rest of my life.
granted, chinese IS fun, but i can't help it if i suck at the subject can i?

oh wells...my essay was probably out of point because according to my teacher and chinese classmates, thinking within the box seems to be beyond me.
it's something i can't help either, and it's not my fault that the chinese stick to their ancient kind of mentality.
but i like my essay today :)
i really do.
though i twisted the whole story which was supposed to be on gratitute into a love story, which is so typical of me, i liked at a lot.

gisella asked me to reproduce this whole paragraph and publish it here.
hahaha,....i'll do it if i have the time and if i can figure out how.
LOL!

oh oh! and g8 has its official tagline now.
G8. We're like bananas - we come in a bunch.
nice right?
lol...i came up with it :))
and cheryl and i came up with names for everyone though most of hers were thrown out the window.
to quote joann "i think cheryl's creativity is non-existant"
hahahaha.
so...
ethel: crazynana (cause she's always wonky up there)
sandra: liannana (the name says it all)
cheryl: auntienana (she has morphed into what i believe to be a typical auntie)
tree: auzzienana (that's for living in down under and enjoying life)
nicole: mamanana (she's sooo motherly)
val: dynanana (she likes to think of herself as a dynamite - they come in small packages)
jo: impatientnana (need i say more?)
me: BIMBONANA (this is the only one i didn't come up with and i wasn't given a choice)

but then again, i must be the smartest bimbo alive. :)

made a trip down to emily's house after ocip dance practice, and watched shutter.
my god...it's the first time i've actually screamed. like really screamed.
LOL. and into jayne's ear.
i'm sorry darling!
hahahaha...

ps: i sloved the rubic's cube.
hahahahaha...

2007-10-26T10:58:00.000+08:00

the best i've ever had.

i've been neglecting this blog for far too long.

really busy with school and all but i've been having fun :)

with pw and chinese looming nearer, having fun seems to be a sin, but i'm loving it :)

anyways...my results were better than expected!

2 Bs, 2Cs, 1D, 1E :)

i'm rather pleased :)

anyways...zoo last saturday.

had fun, but we were really REALLY late!

lol...nevertheless, it was cool cause nobody really cared..

love this polar bear :)

cute! oui? oui.

adriene, emily and i, hitching a ride on the tram instead of walking :)

spot the new born twins on their mummy!

my emo friend, the tree kangaroo :)

isn't this mousedeer the cutest thing ever? i was so into it that the keeper asked if i wanted to bring one home. YES!

emily, the hairstylist :)

conservation ambassador!

heh...i didn't return my nametag :p

pw on sunday with the group.

we finally came together to do some stuff AS A GROUP.

entire day was devoted to it, but it was quite fun so oh wells :)

napkin roses :)

my rose!

another rose on sheer's ANCIENT lappy.

melly came to pick me up at 7 that night from parkway after pw.

my god...i don't think i ever want to sit in a car that she drives again.

major motion sickness. HAHAHA.

how did she get her license? good question.

celebrated the october babies' birthday yesterday :)

coincided with joann's birthday.

happy birthday my darlings :)

love them heaps!

and it's been a really really long time since the entire group got together.

if only tree was here too..but we'll get together again when she's back on the 16th of december ya? :)

spent lots and lots of money on the meal, the balloons, and the cake!

but i think it was more worthwhile than buying presents :)

thank god i had val to split the cost with :)

nickky and i :)

me, val, sandra and ethel - it's been long ethel! miss her spastic ways :)

don't you just love phone booths? we took pictures here 1 year ago remember? :)

we weren't ready and val was being irritating. LOL.

UNGLAM!the surprise cake that val and i bought, which she FORGOT to take pictures of.

the october babies :)

all together!

again!

love them :)

i love this picture :)

the G8 - except it's 7 now that tree's migrated to auzzie land. but i still like to call us G8 :)

the greatest 7 you will ever meet :)

they were trying to cover up nicole's pregnant stomach =/

what's camwhoring without the unglamness right?

they are the best i've ever had.

ethel's the cutest thing ever!

imitating the monkey. she seems rather pleased with herself!

again, what's camwhoring without imitating the lians?

MAJOR unglam. LOL! but i couldn't help it. the cow was so cute!

you see 2 iodts removing their heels and taking jump shots!

off goes the heels and up we go!

unsuccessful attempt at looking "dao"

we really can't do it can we? ick...and i look UBER FAT =(

this is the 1st time the both of us sat on grass. POUTS.

i bet val included cheryl in this picture on purpose. LOL!

i like this picture a lot :))

shocker...

the balloons val and i got fot the birthday babies :)

i love you darlings so much.

ps..i've put on soooo much weight i can't stand it. i feel like a walking lump of lard.

2007-10-20T17:51:00.000+08:00

the glue that holds all relationships together is trust. and trust is based on integrity.

Story of the Day
Sat 20 Oct 2007

Food For Thought

People always come into your life for a reason, a season and a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, or to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or even spiritually. They may seem like a godsend to you, and they are. They are there for a reason,you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die, Sometimes they just walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilleed; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.

When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season. And like Spring turns to Summer and Summer to Fall, the season eventually ends.

LIFETIME, relationships teach you a lifetime of lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (anyway);, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas in your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant. Thank you for being part of my life.....

took that from the school website.

i don't know what to say either.
seems to be happening to everyone doesn't it?

i can't say much because i'm not directly involved.
but being caught in the middle sucks just as much.
it's like your right hand and your left hand.
which to choose?
cannot right?

i just hope you girls love yourself. treasure youself first.

i think i can just go apply for a job as a counsellor now.

TCB: all guys are jerks. just trust me.

and he's a guy too. =/

2007-10-18T20:42:00.000+08:00

if it's not fun you're not doing it right.

school basically sucks now...it's just pw and chinese all the way.
i HATE pw. that's an understatement.
initially i was so proud of my wr last night with everything done and the cd burned.
THEN i went to school and gissy told me my cover page didn't have the 1 inch margin.
i freaked.
the cd wasn't a rewrittable one so i basically couldn't change it.
the bookshop didn't sell cds.
i didn't bring an extra one because I THOUGHT I PERFECTED IT.

went around school like an idiot trying to get a cd.
dateline was at 1pm this afternoon and i still didn't have one at 11.30.
started calling different teachers i knew to ask for blank cd.
TCB gave me one with a HUGE picture on a footprint on the front.
but how was i supposed to submit that right? LOL :)
mr lim only had a rewrittable one - we didn't wanna take it though he offered because right? it's expensive!
so hao sheng came to school to give us cds!
yayness...BUT we tried 2 lappies and a desktop and the file just won't save itself.
so mr lim being the sweetest guy in the world went through the trouble of looking for lappies in the staffroom and saved it for us :)

this morning definitely wasn't a good one.

but the afternoon was wonderful :)
went to suntec with the darlings...and like adriene said we have never gone out as a foursome.
it's always more or less.
sandra came along with us - i have nice classmates eh?
then nickee met us there :)
then val :)
hahahaha. it's like 3 from tpjc and 3 from sac. and me of course :)

val's house for yummilicious homecooked meal :)
I WANT A DADDY WHO CAN COOK TOO!
her maid can cook too mind you.
she gets wonderful food everyday!

anyways...dinner with my darlings was the best :)
laughed and talked all through dinner.
FAMILY. hahahahahaha :))
love those babes :))

tomorrow was be madness again!
but at least today was wonderful.
we so have to do it again some time :))

2007-10-17T17:55:00.000+08:00

victory is sweetest when you have known defeat.

jerine is getting promoted :))
and i didn't fail a single subject :)))
happiness! hahahahaha...
i got every passing grade except an A though.

geog-B
econs - B
chem - C
GP - D
math - E
chinese - E

chem came as a shocker.
haha. math and chinese...what more can i say? LOL
gp was supposed to be good. summary and AQ pulled me down like madness. never did that badly before.
expected As for geog and econs but missed by a little...oh wells...

i was over the moon before i got back a single paper.
hahaha...knowing that i passed chinese means 1 h1 secured which means a definite promotion :))

and TCB gave me a freaking ZERO for chinese listening when i didn't even take it during mid years!
yu lao shi: eh eh....the whole world knew she had dengue. you can't give her a zero! want to die huh?! she haunt you for the rest of your life!
gis: ARE YOU GONNA SACK HIM?!
yu lao shi: nah...a demotion will do the trick *grins*
TCB: EH!!!!!!

oh yea...and TCB's always asking me to be nice to nicholas but he bitches about him too!
hahahahaha it was damn funny.
he was bitching to lao shi half way then he realised gis and i were standing there taking in every word.

i hope everyone gets promoted! :)
borderline fails don't really count.
the teachers will work their magic :)

the four of us, adriene, emily, jayne and i are all getting promoted :))
actually i think my class did rather well and only 1 person is getting retained:)

out with nicky and val yesterday :)

oh and i think i'm sleeping less now as compared to the exam periods.
hahaha :)
busy busy busy!
but i'm loving school :))

2007-10-14T21:32:00.000+08:00

when things mean a great deal to you, exciting anticipation just isn't safe.

damn those periods.
to hell with those cramps.
i've been hurting mindlessly the entire day.
an otherwise perfect sunday.
ponstan hardly seem to help anymore.

i think i'm having withdrawal symptoms.
from school.
or rather lessons.
i miss going to classes. and i can't believe i'm saying this =/
but i do. 3 weeks have gone by without lessons.
rahhhh...
anyways....2 more days!

then again, i'm not looking forward to pw.
intensive chinese when school starts, that i can tolerate.
but not pw.
hate pw.

i'm looking forward to tomorrow :)
celebrating emily's birthday :))
happy birthday darling!

october is the month i go broke.
nicole's birthday, jo's birthday, my bro's birthday, grandma's birthday, emily's birthday, and ethel too..though i haven't seen that girl in eons.

2007-10-12T15:43:00.000+08:00

friends are the rare people who ask you how you are and then wait to hear the answer.

the satisfaction of doing absolutely nothing but have fun is almost orgasmic.
i could seriously get used to life like this :)

just got back from doing pw..as expected, they didn't do much again.
my group's so screwed up but yet i have to put on a false front and pretend to be all merry and gay.

anyways..the J2s has their farewell assembly today.
and we were sitting near the audi and we hear some teacher comment...

random teacher: WOW...it's the 1st time i see the audi filled. lectures are always near empty. i never knew we had that many j2s.

and lao shi was damn retarded today la..hahahahaha
she walked pass me from behind and i didnt know until..

lao shi: (extremely high pitched) jerineeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

i turned and i only saw her back so i didn't recognise that unusually high pitched voice.
so i asked glenn "WHO'S THAT?!" really loudly and she turned around with a FUTILE attempt at shooting me her death glare again.
hahahaha.

anyways...out with the darlings yesterday.
love them truckloads :)
buffet at sake, the shopping, the catching up at starbucks, the donuts, and not forgetting the spastic 20 minutes we spent taking pictures in the middle of nowhere at suntec.
love those darlings. really :)

and i need my rich dying old man.
hahaha nicole and i came up with like this whole plan to snag our guys.
rahhhhh.....even YOU-KNOW-WHO has a boyfriend!
val!!! we need to go boy hunting! :(
we're not that unwanted right?!
even youknowwho as a boyfriend!!!!
like val said, we only go for QUALITY.
hahahaha....eh...but i feel unwanted la..even SHE has a boyfriend!

whatever. i'm gonna stick my head back into the clouds now that promos are over.
one day my prince will come - he just got lost and is too stubborn to ask for directions.

pictures! some that are loooong overdued.

valerie tried taking a picture entitled "sandra the suaku"

the suaku didn't know how to use the water dispenser =/

yes....i WAS supposed to be studying. it's called motivation :p

it's what you do when you get bored studying for the last paper. about how city planning sucks.

the alley in katong that adriene believes is potentially RAPE-ABLE.

gelare with the girlies after the paper on wed. my brownie ice cream :)

the loves :)

my purchase yesterday :)) love the colour :)

2007-10-10T17:05:00.000+08:00

IT'S OVER!!!!!!!!!

i feel this uncontrollable surge of happiness :)
i wanted to do a merry little jig when the invigilator said STOP WRITING.
hahaha...and i was sooooo high after the paper and from school all the way to east coast :)

48 hours more.
30 hours till the end.
in just 24 hours...do you smell the end?
17 hours.
in less than 6 hours baby!
just this last 3 hours.

that was probably all that filled my mind the past 2 days.
even during the paper today i kept looking at the clock willing time to past faster, even though i was screwing up the paper and i was no where near done.
i looked at the clock so frequently the invigilator kept frowning at me.
writing for 3 hours was pure torture.
it was self mutilation again.
i bet i'm gonna have another blister on my palm when the one i had after physical geog just healed 2 days ago. =/

that excitement in me probably accounts for my "couldn't care less" attitude yesterday and this morning.
it didn't really matter how i did for my last paper -human geography.
what i reawlly wanted to do was just sit for the paper and get it over and done with.

i'm not going to bother about my grades for now.
IT'S OVER :))

headed down to ocean park with adriene and emily after the paper today with the notion of having ice cream and ice cream chefs.
BUT. it was closed :(
so we walked all the way to east coast for gelare under the scorching sun which showed no mercy.
then parkwayed with them, trying to pass time and all for like HOURS.
hahaha...we nearly went nuts from trying to find entertainment.

walked along katong and all then went out seperate ways :)
love them.
and i nearly got lost on the way to el's house.
can die i swear.
this part of the earth like NEVER EXISTED.
hahaha...and i don't even know the name of the area.
but one thing i know for sure - it's in that end of singapore that's so uluated you'll have the urge to throw yourself in front of the oncoming truck while looking for it.

oh yea...and her computer's lagging too. must be the reception in this part of the world.

anyways...to the people who still have papers, good luck :)

i'm really really happy and i'm gonna put off pw for as long as i can :))

2007-10-06T11:24:00.000+08:00

use the pain as a fuel, as a reminder of your strength.

the sleep was good and much needed.
refused to go to bed last night because i didn't want the night to end.
today means studying again. - doesn't explain why i'm here though...

thought about it.
my behaviour after the paper yesterday was embarrassing.
tearing dring the paper and crying after that.
totally pointless.

val's a darling.
thanks for offering to help me with math though your exams are over. :)
not that i'm gonna do well...but then again i'm still gonna have to sit for the paper so i might as well make the best out of it.

if god sends us on strong paths, we are provided with strong shoes.

i know i can i will.
i think this is the only line i'm thankful helen choo said.

2007-10-05T18:29:00.000+08:00

everything will be okay in the end. if it's not okay, it's not the end.

tha quote was just something i took off photoshare on tpjc.net.
i hope it holds true.

i don't think i can feel any worse than i'm feeling right now.
except if i get retained of course.

i thought promos were going well.
it WAS.
physical geog and econs were managable, and i might have done well too.
i thought at the rate things were going, i was going to get promoted.

then came chemistry.
i've never left 60% of an exam paper blank before.
ok..maybe for A Math in secondary school, but other than that, never.
until today.
and out of the 40% i answered, 20% was mcq -shading random boxes aren't that difficult-, the other 20% was answered so that i have something written on the paper.

and it's the first time in the longest time i broke down during the paper.
it's also the 1st time that i've experienced nervous breakdowns multiple times before the exam.

to think i was so happy after the econs paper today because all my predictions on the questions came true.

and to gisella, though you'll probably not see this, i'm really really sorry.
i'm sorry i wasn't there when you needed me.
i'm sorry for the late reply.
i'm sorry for not being a source of comfort.
i'm sorry :(

and the reply i received from her after chem to comfort me only made me feel worse. :(

i hope the predictions and little help i gave her for econs is sufficient for her to secure a pass.

i hope i get promoted.
2 more papers.
math - impossible to pass
human geog - i HAVE to do well

i've lost the motivation to continue studying after the chem today.

please just let me get promoted :(

my wrist feels like it's on the verge of snapping.
3 hours of non-stop writing from physical geog and 2h 45min for econs.
11 pieces of papers for geog = 22 sides
10 pieces for econs = 20 sides
i've got a bubble blister from self-mulitation in the form of writing.
holding a pen hurts like madness now.

and i hate annoying invigilators.
they should be sent to the borders of the milky way and confined to their own universe.

stupid invigilator for geog yesterday.
another stupid and spastic one today.

the one yesterday didn't have exam ethics at all.
20 minutes into the geog paper he came up to me and told me i was in the wrong seat.
i wasn't. but i had no time to argue with him.
idiot didn't get the clue and continued yakking away.
40 minutes later, he came back to me.
telling me i was in the right seat.
and he starting counting for me to prove that i was in the right seat.
what the hell...if i'm sitting here then i'd know it's right right?!
talk talk talk talk talk.
there i am trying to figure out how a slope fails and there he was counting seats for me.
IDIOT.
i nearly went SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
but instead i gave a pretty loud HUH?! and shot him a really disgusted and irritated look.

today's invigilator for chem was damn spastic.
he came up to my table trying to figure out why i had so many blanks 10 minutes before the paper ended.
before that he was just inspecting my ic like he found gold.
and he was BOUNCING through out the 1h 30min.
like on the spot and around the class.
then he picked up jayne's crushed paper and tried shooting it into the bin FROM THE BACK OF THE CLASS.
obviously he missed, and instead of picking up the rubbish and throwing it into the bin right in from of him, he walked to the back of the class and tried shooting again.
it's like watching humpty dumpty doing all these.
and he's probably in his late 40s.
GROW UP PLEASE...

to think twits can make it as teachers.
no surprises why students aren't doing well.

been studying non-stop for the pass week taking breaks only for chamber visits and meals.
but the battle's not over. YET.

2007-10-01T17:44:00.000+08:00

instead of studying for a promotion, what about just going to the bahamas and catching some rays?

all in favour, say aye! :)

i wish...anyways...2 down, 5 more to go.
but it seems like i have 8749607482065034 more papers to sit for.

i'm hating every minute of this.
actually, i LIKE studying.
i do. really.

but i like studying for the sheer enjoyment i get from learning and not this race against time to cram everything into my aready briming brains and try throw everything up onto my exams scripts what i was to have supposedly learnt in a year in 3 mere hours.

the very thought of the many 3 hours is just bulimic inducing.

i need an expandable memory for my brains.
an upgrade from a 512MB to a 4 GB thankyouverymuch.
my brains seem to be bursting at the seams without me even trying to stuff information in.

so i'm at the end of the road, driven to the brink by desperation.
i'm so desperate i'm counting on a pass for chinese to fulfill the one H1 pass criterior.
but my chinese teacher thinks i'm not going to pass.
apparently the storyline for my essay is too abstract and contemporary to be accepted my the chinese.
it's not my fault the chinareans have a rigid mindset is it?
but i NEED to pass.
yes. i'm that desperate.

all i ask for right noe is to get promoted.
i don't think i can take another year in JC.
2 years is more than sufficient.

and i've just wasted 2 hours online.
completing my revision seems to only take the form of a dream.
procrastination is going to mark my downfall.

please please please please please please please please please please let me get promoted.

2007-09-21T14:23:00.000+08:00

procrastination is, hands down, our favourite form of self-sabotage.

well at least it seems to apply to me.
somebody please tie me to a chair and lock me up with nothing but my books please.
promos are in 6 days.
and yet i haven't touched any of my books.

i have a totally valid reason -wasting precious time online- for slapping myself right now.

but i WILL start.

the principle's mantra is getting stucked in my head now.
i know i can, i will.
i can, i will, i must.

rahhhhhhhhhh.

anyways today was a brilliant day in school, save econs and the fact that adriene decided to skip school.
maybe doing tutorials do make lessons a whole lot more interesting. :)
at least i'm not looking at the clock every minute, willing time to pass so that i will not get called on for an answer.

promos in 6 days.
6 days.
it's gonna last 3 god-damn weeks.
for every other jc student, it's 4 days.
for tpjcians?
3 WEEKS.

i am not appreciating this thankyouverymuch.

only a miracle can save me now.

2007-09-17T20:38:00.000+08:00

sometimes life gives us brief moments with another...but sometimes in those brief moments we get memories that last a lifetime.

sometimes we don't treasure what we have as much as we should.
human nature.
and i guess we'll never understand it.

i finally finally decided to make an effort to go to my paternal grandparents' place today.
had dinner with them after more than a month.
and what was it that finally made me go there?
to finally fulfill part of my duty as a granddaughter?
and not just fulfilling my duties...it's not an obligation - i LOVE them to bits.
it was a mere random flash thought.
the thought of my grandmother dying.
fear just gripped me then.

that really woke me up.
realisation struck me straight in the face - i might not have much time left with her.
i love her. i love them. but yet weeks after weeks i just put off my supposed weekly visits.
weeks soon turned into months.
but not a single day goes by without me thinking of them.
without me reproaching myself for not showing them how much i truely love them.

i cried myself silly last night.
and all it took was that one random thought of my grandmother dying to turn on the waterworks.

sometimes i wonder if i'm doing enough to show them how much i love them.
if they really know how much i treasure them.
they have done so much for me.
taking care and watching over me for the first 10 years of my life on a daily basis.
after 10 years of being with them everyday, i'm starting to think that i ought to burn in hell for visting them only once a month, or even once every two months now.

time isn't on their side.
that i know for sure.
my grandmother's 77 and my grandfather's 84.
how much more time do they have left?
i pray all the time that god will grant them more time on earth.
that they are not taken away from me.
i live in constant fear that one day they will leave me.
i hope that day doesn't come anytime soon.

i want more time to make it up to them.
to make up for the time lost.
for all the times i made excuses for not visiting.
i don't want tonight to be the last time i held their hands.
i kissed my grandmother tonight.
i don't want that to be the last kiss.
i want there to be a million more kisses.
i want to hold their hands for a million years.

there are many other things that i still want to do.
i want to hear their complete life stories.
to have more times just sitting around with them, looking at them, loving them even more.
i want to bake with my grandmother.
to learn to make mooncakes, to make rice dumplings, to make glutinous rice, to make yam cake, to cook the simplest things.
i want to learn everything.
i'll always remember every homemade dish ever made for me by my grandmother.

and now that they are both old and they have their good days and bad, illness haunts them on the bad days, i don't get to eat the special stuff much anymore.
i haven't tasted mooncakes in 3 years.
and i refuse to eat the ones that are not made by my grandparents.
rice dumplings will never taste as good as the ones made my them.

i remember when i was younger the three of us would busy ourselves in the kitchen making dumpings and mooncakes on that rice dumpling festival and mid-autumn festival respectively.
i couldn't do much of course, but i was contented with whatever little things i could help out with.
just being with them brought me such comfort and security.

and when i was a baby, i had difficulty drinking milk and had to be tube fed because i was prematured.
but instead of tube-feeding me, i know my grandparents would spend forever every feeding session to feed me - using a teaspoon.
spoonful by spoonful.

and i'll never forget how they took care of me everytime i'm sick.
even now, when they hear from my dad that i'm sick, they call, they cook and boil all sorts of funny stuff for me. - though those stuff weren't always nice.
but i know that they'll do whatever it is within their means to get me back in the pink of heath.

they have always been there for me.
and i want to do them same for them now.

i know they'll always love me no matter what.
their love for me would never fade.

they will probably never know how much joy and confort they have brought into my life.
and i vow to revert back to my weekly visits.
i don't want any room for regrets should time ever run out.

i love them with all my heart and i wish they knew just how much that is.
i feel like i've been a horrible granddaughter.
and i feel silly for crying while typing this.

i love them.
please don't let it be too late.

2007-09-14T16:25:00.000+08:00

nothing is so bitter that a clam mind cannot take comfort in.

i'm happy :)
sometimes i think i'm really easily satisfied.
it takes so little to make me happy.
and more often than not it's the little things that people do, that they think is no biggy that brightens up your day.
some small little surprises really go a long way.
things that happen when you least expect it to.
my day brightened a whole lot thanks to the people i'm surrounded by.

sometimes it's your perception that makes the whole world seem gloomy.
mere perception.
and all it takes is that little something to be reminded that things aren't as bad as they seem.
and sometime we forget what we have.
we think of it as what we used to have. we think that it's gone forever.
but little things happen unexpectedly and puts a smile on your face without fail.
i guess we can never truely understand the magnitude of little gestures.

and i want to share this joy.
especially with this certain depressed someone.
but i can't seem to get past her mask, that facade.
we appear to be close and happy and all, but it's just a masquerade isn't it?
it's so superficial and shallow.

i want to be more that just someone she has small talk with.
i want to be more than just company.
i want to really be a friend.
a friend.
a friend who's not only there to have happy and light conversations with.
that's difficult isn't it?
i want to. but i don't know how.

how do you reach beneath someone's mask?
a mask that conceals every emotion, every crack and every wound.
a mask that gradually builds a surrounding wall.
a wall which makes you a prisoner of your own mind?

if i don't know what's hurting you, how can i help?

sometimes we build walls not to keep others out. but to see who bothers to break it down.
i only i knew how.

on a lighter note, i'm liking softball :)
i can't bat for nuts but i like catching at the bases.
it's uber fun.

but the sun can kill. this is what you get when the sun doesn't play fair.
you get fielders sitting at bases with TWO gloves.
one for catching, the other for shielding.
hahaha and mel took a picture of her two fielders, jayne in green, and yours truely :)

call us bimbos. lol :)

oh oh! and i felt the tremors yesterday and the day before yesterday!
and on BOTH occasions i didn't realise they were tremors until someone else told me.

the first time the day before yesterday was funny.
i was just happily sufing the net when i started swaying quite a bit, even sitting down.
i thought i was dizzy but i was feeling completely fine.
then i freaked out and scared myself a little.
i thought it was some supernatural force or something.
but right? i was rather stupid so despite being scared i kept it all to myself.
oh and i only realised that all i experienced were tremors like 4 hours later when my daddy told me about it.

hahaha. then i felt it again in school during math! and i thught it i was just too tired during math.
until my geograhy teacher told me about it along the corridors. hahaha.
i think i'm getting the jayne syndrome.

BIMBO

2007-09-12T18:09:00.001+08:00

this is the video adriene took by accident! LOL

extremely bimbotic. thank god we were alone!

hahahaha...i love them :)

2007-09-12T17:46:00.001+08:00

a clear conscience is a sign of failing memory.

i love the girlies :)
studying session yesterday was a total failure!
hahaha though we did have tons of fun just chilling and laughing and all :)
i don't remember laughing so hard and so much in the longest time!
so we had 4 complete hours of pure fun.
talked and laughed for more then 3 hours and for like the last 45 minutes we walked around the track. AND we discovered that the ropes at the fitness area could double up as swings!
and we tried taking jumping shots with the timers on our camera but not one picture turned out right.

and instead of setting her camera the timer mode, adriene changed it to a video mode.
and she only realised it while looking through her phone that night!

swing! but the pictures are nice though...

hahaha jayne can't take pictures for nuts.

she looks sooo happy!

and i'm happy too :)
today was a really good day like i'm happy!
i'll savour it while it lasts.
not that i will last for long though...promos are coming and i have yet to START studying.

oh oh! and the most embarrassing thing happened just now!
i fell off the bench =/
see..i was trying to cross my legs indian style on the chair before sitting down and somehow i lost my balance and fell backwards!
oh my god...it was so embarrassing!
thank god there were not many people there cause prelims were going on at E block.
but there were still two tables full of people who watched as i fell!
and one table just left after that...omg =/

it was still so embarrassing despite the lack of spectators.
not to mention unglamourous.

and when i fell all jayne did was stand up immediately and laughed!
thanks jayne...now i know..when i nearly died you just stood there and stared and laughed.

then a minute after i fell and i was still nursing my butt and hands, both lao shis came out from the LT.
i was soooo thankful they didn't see me fall.
hahaha.
now i have a BRUISE on the back of my hand :(

and lao shi was so cute..she heard about the love of mine and gisella's life.
sim hong boon.
hahahahaha....he's the chairman of the college advisory committee.
rich and old. LOL.

(yesterday)
lao shi: jerine!!! do you want hong boon's number?
me: tao yan! but i want.

(today)
lao shi: i've got a picture of hong boon! you want?
me: i want!!!! and why do you have a picture of my man?!

and she really went back to the hod room to get it passed it to me in the middle of lecture.
HAHAHAHA.

i've really got a knack for screwing up.
TWICE. in a day. today.

and maybe i'm too straight forward.
but i can't help it. i don't want to change myself.
and they say that i'm too mean to nicholas.
really? i am?
but the stuff he says and does really puts me off.

oh well..it's perception
call me a bitch.

2007-09-10T21:19:00.000+08:00

it's little surprises like these that makes me feel loved.

ugh.....the blogger's whole format went wonky.

and i'm not bothered to do it all over so ya..

bear with it.

adriene and emily did the sweetest thing :)
maybe even literally...
they made cupcakes!
haha...i was pleasantly surprised - it turned out really pretty :)
i feel loved :)

looks like play dough doesn't it?

it's so pink! loves :)

oh...and i like how my nails look in this picture :p

thanks a whole lot lovelies!

yum :)

anyways...this reminds me of a really sweet dream that i had.
i, unlike gisella, happen to have sweet dreams occasionally. - as compared to her GORY ones.
so yes..i dreamt that i got presented with a bouquet of flowers from some anonymous person :)
sweet :)
yes yes...i'm just dreaming alrights?
longing for this day to come when god decides to send mr mysterious my way and have him present me with flowers - through someone else.
so that he remains anonymous right? :)

some day my prince will come..

oh oh! and i have NATURAL streaks in my hair!
major coolness!
and i don't even dye my hair :)
the nut i have at home noticed and took a picture of it.
but she went camera madness and started snapping away.
WHILE I WAS ~~TRYING TO STUDY~~ STUDYING.

my natural streaks!

i never knew i had streaks.

coolness:)

no wonder lao shi said i highlighted my hair.

one harmless picture taken my her soon led to these (and a lot more) :

haha i think i can make a profession out of stoning.

AGAIN.

finally studying and she still wouldn't leave me alone.

hahaha.

it's no wonder why i'm going to fail =/

(on her TSD costume)

gisella:do you have suspenders to lend me?

me: DO I LOOK LIKE I OWN SUSPENDERS?!

gisella: i'm desperate!

me: the next thing you're gonna ask me is if i own a snow white costume.

me: ask tan chee boon if he has suspenders...he probably does considering his 1960s fashion boo boo.

gisella: he doesn't have one!

me: YOU ASKED?!

(on answers to a math question)

mrs foong: i've already put the food in your mouth! now just chew and swallow! what more do you want me to do?

me: chew for him then spit it into his mouth.

(5 seconds of silence later)

mrs foong: yuck! even i find it disgusting.

jie wei: mrs foong! i'm choking! how?!

mrs foong: STARVE.

2007-09-07T18:25:00.000+08:00

two monologues do not make a dialogue.

more pictures from adriene :)

2007-09-07T10:12:00.000+08:00

being happy does not mean that everything is perfect.
it means looking beyond imperfections.

i'm really thankful that things are taking a turn for the better.
i'll stop at that, lest i jinx myself.

anyways...went back to school yesterday.
i miss school :) and i can't believe i just said that.
three and the half hours of geog...wasn't as bad as expected.
then an hour and the half of chinese with gis and peter pan.

chinese was funny. gis and i were just arguing with tcb over our essays and how it made sense and the chinese way of thinking is so rigid and passe, and how we didn't deserve to fail our essays.
hahaha...it was arguing madness. really fun and funny though.
peter pan just won't stop laughing at us. lol :)
so anyways...the chinese faculty test that i thought i pass, well, i FAILED.
all because he gave me such an undeserving grade for my essay. :(

then went to tm with jayne and emily cuz adriene was such a pig to decide to skip school ON HER WAY to school.
had pizza hut for lunch :)

then headed to the airport with the INTENTION of studying.
haha...adriene joined us at the airport and all we manage to do was HALF a math question.
then we just starting talking about everything under the sun and camwhoring :)

i'll post some up while waiting for adriene to send the rest :)

jayne and i

again!

all four :)

being spastic. i love adriene's expression :)

PIGS. :)

2007-09-05T17:50:00.000+08:00

the best things in the world have to be given away.

2007-09-03T16:50:00.000+08:00

jealousy is nothing more than a fear of abandonment.

is it fair to hate someone because she's doing better than you?
maybe kudos to a stroke of luck?

no? i thought so too.
but some people just don't see that.
jealousy blinds.

i thought all was going well until such shit happened.
go ahead. hate me.
be competitive all you want...but i'm not going to join this childish game.
so what if you work so hard and finally do better than me?
that's not going to hurt me is it?

i'm just wondering how much satisfaction you people will finally get out of this.
i'm not about to go crying to my mummy or sulk in a corner when you flash your triumphant megawatts smile.

and why do people get so upset when you do better than them?
did i not work hard enough for it?
did i not work just as hard as you did, if not harder?

it's ridiculous.
and rather depressing. i thought things were going really well.
at least the rest are sane enought to not have the green monster called mr jealousy hanging from their backs.

2007-09-02T17:12:00.000+08:00

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our Light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, "Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?" Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us. It's in everyone. And as we let our own Light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

--Nelson Mandela

2007-09-02T12:28:00.000+08:00

friends are like bras: close to the heart and there for support.

it's the holidays :)
not that there'll be much to enjoy during this one week break..but that's beside the point.

skipped school on friday to go to sac...
though i think i would have more fun in tpjc.
and i felt so bad cause only 7 people turned up from our class.
and it's mr lim's first and last teachers' day with us.
well...we skipped with the notion that we would be celebrating it on saturday.

and anyways...i felt even worse when i sent mr lim an sms wishing him and all he replied was "tks".
but adriene said he wasn't angry though.
and i think i should feel happy for him that he's going to VJC.
he'd be much happier there without a doubt.

from what i heard all the teachers were wearing brightly coloured polo tees like hot pink and lime green and all but mr lim wore some dark blue shirt with like greyish pants.
and that's not even whathe usually wear on normal days.
when adriene asked him he said he'l let her in on a "secret" - that he didn't wear it because he didn't belong.
:(
and mel said the polo tees were made for all the teachers in super bright colours to show that they are happy on teachers' day.
wonder if mr lim knew that and wore dull colours on purpose :(

and on saturday we were all psyched up to go for class lunch and movie to celebrate with mr lim and at the eleventh hour he said he couldn't make it so they cancelled the lunch :(
and the 4 of us were already ready to leave the house cause we were meeting earlier to get him a gift.
so anyways...the day didn't start out on a good note but we still decided to go out.
went to vivo to catch ratatouille.
bobby came along too cause jayne was supposed to watch it with him someother day.

and when we went to vivo, the show was sold out all the way till really late that night.
the day couldn't get worse.
then this guy came up to me and asked if i wanted to watch ratatouille and he said his company booked a whole theatre but a lot of their customers didn't turn up and asked if i wanted tickets :)
for free! i'm not a cheapskate but it's 9.50 alright?
so this angel gave me 5 tickets :)

bobby was like really late so he missed the first 15 minutes of the show.
and adriene said it was like not coming out with jayne at all cause she was just with bobby the whole time.

anyways...a day that didn't start out right ended really well :)

i woke up with blotchy skin this morning! :(

2007-08-30T22:12:00.000+08:00

EGO: a fallacy whereby the goose thinks it's a swan.

(on me not knowing that bee hoon comes in a box)
me: i bet jayne dosn't know it too.
adriene: what is she now? a gauge of stupidity?

(on one of the three bitches)
adriene: look at her! she looks like a stonefish!
emily: i don't know how the sideview of a stonefish looks like!

(on stonefishes)
adriene & i: thank god jayne doesn't think a stonefish is a fish that stones.
jayne: IT'S NOT?!

(on stoning someone to death)
adriene: i had a friend who thought stoning to death meant someone being ostracised then being so left out he died stoning.

(on prejudice and stereotypes)
mrs chia: write down the impressions that you have of people of your own kind.
tim: people often say i look like brad pitt.
mrs chia: ohhhhhhhh....SOMEONE is living in dillusion.

(on the picture of an ape)
mrs chia: now, when you turn to the next page, some of you will be seeing your mirror images.

(on our half-dead greeting)
miss ho: no!!!! i want ya'll to greet me with ENERGY!
class: (still half-dead) gooood morrrrning miss ho....energy.

(on asking jayne a question)
miss ho: nonononono! if i ask her i'll only get the answer next week!

2007-08-29T09:19:00.000+08:00

the trouble with having an open mind is that people will insist on coming along and try to put things into it.

i seem to be acquiring a talent for getting into trouble.
screwing up seems to be second nature now.

from now on, when i'm happy, i'm gonna say i'm happy.
when i'm not, it's gonna be so explicit you'd better watch out.
i'm gonna start writing emotions on my forehead.

it's really funny though...that people think i'm angry when i'm not.
when they think i'm upset but i'm really feelng fine.
like the way they perceive things it's like i'm perpetually angry and upset or something.
i'm nice. REALLY.

just because i tend to put in my 2 cents worth of opinion doesn't mean that i'm not happy with the way things are.
i am.
i just need to open my mouth and say something.
shutting up isn't normal for me.

and i don't get upset easily.
i'm sensitive, yes. but not to that extent where i bear grudges or anything.
i usually forget things really quickly.
like i once told gissy...i don't know how to hate people.
i don't know how to stay angry at people and bear grudges.
i just don't know how, and i can't seem to learn how to. not that i want to.
i like the fact that i forgive and forget easily.
sometimes much too easily, if i do say so myself.

i don't see a point in staying angry at people.
like why make myself miserable and upset with something that is over and done with?
and maybe i just love too much.
gis says i use the word love too loosely.
but i can't help it.
love was meant to be given away right?
love isn't love until you give it away.
and i believe that we love everyone to some extent.
family, friends, even acquaintances.
in a different way maybe, but it's still love.
and it's that love that overcomes all hatred and offences.

what is the point of staying angry at someone?
and how do people actually manage it?
i'm not saying i'm a saint or something but it's just that i just don't know how to.
like hate. how is it that people can hate someone so much? hate someone to the CORE?
i don't HATE anyone.
but of course there are people that i don't fancy. i'm only human right?

and i don't really take things people say to heart much.
it's like people think i get upset at their words when i've long forgotten about it.
take haosheng for example.
like that time he was spewing rubbish at macs saying that i find his friend cute and all, he thought i was REALLY angry.
i wasn't even close to angry.
not even for a moment.
but he thought i was. and it's like he was still so worried trying to give an explanation and all when i've long forgotten about it.
i like forgot about it the moment i stepped out of macs.
fast huh?

i don't remember such rubbish stuff.
there are so much more important stuff in my life that i need to get in order.
where do i find the time to care about itsy bitsy things like that?
but then again, there's not much to care about because such things don't bother me much.
they don't affect me.
i don't take them to heart.
so why do people worry that i'll get upset over what they have said?
especially when some things are said in good fun.
i'm not a petty person.

a quintessential romantic has too much love to give away more often than not.

believe me.
i'm nice. really.

2007-08-28T20:28:00.000+08:00

tell a friend a lie. if he keeps it, then tell him the truth.

i watched my 1st full length chinese movie today! --- secret :)
i'm proud of myself..hahaha.
i liked it a hippomambojumbo lot!
cried quite a fair bit too. hahahaha.
i can't help being such a softie.

gissy and gourie were just making fun of me yesterday for being such a romantic. haha.

gissy: i bet you're the kind who will cry at sappy romance movies.
me: any movie that makes me cry is a good movie.

yes...i wouldn't deny the fact that i'm a sucker for romance.
a quintessential romantic :)

oh oh! and i'm really happy today :))
i passed my chinese! whoo hoo!
like a 50% pass. a D. but that's like good enough considering the fact that the A1 people failed.
yay! i like did better then the A1 people :)
hahaha now i owe jayne a treat at swensens because we had this bet that i was so sure i would win.
i mean right? who would've expected me to do better than her? an A1 pro?

oh oh! and i aced the econs faculty test! :))
second in class! woots!
and adriene's 1st again. no surprises though :)
not i need 32/100 to pass promos and 67/100 to get an A.
hope they don't moderate the marks though...cause it's like only my class who did very well.
and god knows who's that one person who failed in my class.
the rest got As Bs and Cs.
and for the one person we might have to do moderation.

oh...and doing well - for now - doesn't change the fact that i'm still NOT doing homework.
hahaha...i refuse. i'm months behind time.
oh well...anyways...i'm gonna try come up with something tmr so that i don't have to go to school.
too much stuff to be handed up. ha.

and somehow i don't know why people keep misinterpreting my actions.
it's like for the pass 2 weeks i've been misunderstood. A LOT.
rather depressing on the whole, but one was funny today.
like somehow tan chee boon and agnes yue (lao shi) were discussing our class today and they both thought that gissy and i appeared to be good friends on the surface but beneath it we're like fighting.
and i was like what?!
and gissy was absent today so i was left stoning and laughing with gourie over that.
hahaha i messaged gissy to tell her and this was her reply...

gissy: LOL! hilarious! okay okay....cry and tell him we're really fighting!

hahahaha. it was really funny.

ohhhhhhhh....and the dumbest thing happened today.
my arm got STUCKED under the table.
hahaha...like in between the bars under the table.
my elbow like got totally stucked and i went hysterical. hahahahahaa.
i'll never ever stick my arm through those innocent looking bars again.
THEY BITE.

(on us being so bad at math)
mrs foong: i want to change my profession. i'd like to live longer.
us: WHAT ARE YOU GONNA BE?!
tim: ntuc cashier.

(on points of inflection)
adriene: it's at 0,0 so it's a point of inflection.
mrs foong: (starts going hyseterical) YOU MEAN ALL 0,0 POINTS ARE INFLECTION POINTS?!
adriene: but it's in the lecture note?
mrs foong: AHHHHH-LAMAK........

2007-08-26T17:44:00.000+08:00

i like teachers who give you something to take home to think about besides homework.

i'm itching to have a negotiation with my teachers.

that i don't have to do homework as long as i'm passing.

i mean it's as long as i pass right? wrong.

i hate the fact that i've got homework pilled to my neck and that i'm waaaay behind in my homework.

i'm like the slowest person in my class when it comes to work.

i'm MONTHS behind time.

oh well...at least i'm passing my stuff.

i swear i wasted a whole weekend doing everything but school work again.

i bet even gissy who was in bintan for the whole weekend did more school work that me.

somebody shoot me. please.

oh...and i found something on tpjc.net.

tan chee boon waaaay back in year 2000.

hahahahahahaha....

presenting to you: A FASHION DISASTER.

that's him with ms wee.

i know right? what was he thinking?!

shiny lather top with pants that look like table cloth.

maybe it was fashion back then. you tell me...

eh! but that was in 2000! not 1960!

i am so screwed if somehow, someway, he finds his way to this blog.

no offence intended :)

2007-08-24T17:39:00.000+08:00

hard work is as overrated as paris hilton in jail.

did i mention i eat, live and breathe for weekends now? honestly, i do.

i can't wait for 10th october, then 29th october, and finally 2nd november.

i will probably cry tears of joy after the 2nd of november.

i can't believe gissy is in bintan right now :(

that girl is insane. but i love her all the same :)

lunched with joann after school at parkway.

caught up with her in that miserable 1 and the 1/2 hours...i miss her heaps!

oh oh! and there was a solar halo yesterday :)

mummy just sent me a message randomly during chem lecture yesterday to ask me to look at th sun.

didn't get to see it though...but i did see pictures of it.

it was this whole round raindow circling the sun :)

like this big hoop around that majestic sun.

it's really really pretty.

you don't ever get to see whole rainbows cause you never know where they begin and end but this time it's the complete circle :)

it'd look something like that:

looks like all the angels in heaven are in that hoop encircling the sun :)

2007-08-22T17:53:00.000+08:00

chinese papers should come with the translator button.

the chinese faculty test paper was soooo NOT B4-FRIENDLY.

i mean right? they should totally keep the B4 students in mind while setting the paper instead of just the smart ass A1 people.
but even the A1 people had problems with the paper. HA.

(as soon as we got the paper)
gis: excuse me? sorry 'mam...but this paper is like not B4-friendly!

screw today's paper.
i knew everything i tell you. everything. i swear i did.
except everything i knew was in english and i'm not good at translating! and for those that i managed to translate, i couldn't write the words.

chinese papers should come with the translator button.

oh well i guess it was our fault.
lao shi came to teach us for a while yesterday because TCB's still in reservist and our relief teacher was absent.
i swear that relief teacher got traumatised by us. really.
out of the 5 lessons she was supposed to teach us to only came twice.

well it's understandable. i would pack and run if i was teaching our class.
hahahahahaa.
like right? she thought i was speaking in english when i was speaking in chinese!

so anyways...since the test was like today so lao shi came for half of the 2 period lesson to teach us and give some hints.
and she taught the ENTIRE chapter which was supposed to be tested in ENGLISH.
she dropped some hints that that chapter was coming out the day before so we insisted that she teach it because some of us weren't present when it was being taught.
hahaha. and the whole lesson was in english.

and we totally understood everything so gissy and i were like really excited and confident until last night.
we realised that all that we wrote in the book was in english and we didn't know how to translate everything!
so we focused on a part of the chapter we thought was going to be tested (which wasn't) and memorised the translation.
we should have known better. lao shi told hinted that she highlighted that part FOR FUN.

so when we looked at the paper today the both of us were like OH SHIT. because some other part that we thought was not important got tested.
so yes. basically i didn't know how to write almost every word that i wanted to though i knew what they were.

yup....i'd be really lucky if i passed. =/

on a brighter note, i ACED my chemistry faculty test :)
woo hoo! an A! mugging till 1.30 the night before paid off!
so last minute studying DOES work.
but i'm not gonna do it again anytime soon.
i need the sleep and i made a resolution to start studying.

the lack of sleep is getting to me. i'm sick - AGAIN.

test after test and WR.
i practically did the wr alone.
for 2 nights in a row. i nearly died.

oh! and tpjc's turning me into a ching chong girl! i'm gonna watch some other chinese movie next week! this is NOT a good sign.

and gissy started drawing spiderpigs.
however cute they are, it's turning into an obsession soon!
but that girl never fails to make school fun :)

2007-08-18T14:25:00.000+08:00

let no one who loves be unhappy - even love unreturned has its rainbows.

ecoonomics faculty test this morning.
WOO HOO! i'm so glad it's over.
i hope i did well. and i hope gissy and cai xiang did so too.
gis had BETTER pass. i spent an hour before the paper trying to help her.
which meant that i was in schoo lat 6.45am on a saturday when my paper was at 8.
that girl is crazy. she wasted time doing rubbish and only started studying at 8.30 last night.
i was like panicking for her more than she was for herself!

chinese paper 2 on wednesday and i'm done with faculty tests :)
then it'd be full throttle for WR then promos then all the rest of the pw stuff then chinese As then OCIP and i'll be done for the year :)

i can't wait for PW and promos to be over!

i'm like getting sick of geog.
so i decided to skip it yesterday...together with gp :)
i only went for econs lecture during the 1st 2 periods yesterday.
then i took the pink form and went home :)
hahahaha...it helped that i had really bad cramps the previous day so my ct believed me when i said i was having cramps again.

heh...and it helps that you know HODs too.
laoshi signed my form even before i filled it up :)
hahaha...

and emily walked me out to flag a cab cause i borrowed mel's umbrella.
and we waited 40 MINUTES.
that was like one full period that em missed!
hahaha...

and i think my memory is failing me.
i can't remember that names of my teachers.
i was like putting my pnk form in my ct's pigeon hole and someone went "hi jerine!"
and i turned and it was my gp tutor for the 1st 3 months.
and all i could think was "SHIT. what the hell is her name? the hod the hod! oh no!"
hahahahaha....so i stoned for a really really really long time then i just went "oh hi" cause i was staring a little long and the name was still not coming to me.
hahahahaha.
roslyn thinks i'm getting too little sleep.
there was some other incident with her ang gis where my memory failed me too.
AND NOW I CAN'T REMEMBER WHAT IT WAS.
hahahahahahha.

oh and i'm so behind time in homework.
so many tutorials due on monday.
and so is WR 1st draft - in full.
madness...

and i'm falling sick again :(

treasure the love you receive above all...

2007-08-14T18:20:00.000+08:00

chinese does NOT equate to hokkien!

it does NOT.

i got cheated by berlyn, jayne and emily today!
they told me they were going to watch some local movie by roysten tan so some guy like that...and they said the show was in chinese.

i was like so not interested but if i didn't go with them nobody would stay in school with me...
and they had to go watch it at PRINCESS.
my god...they couldn't have brought me to a worse place.
the movie stopped halfway - what the hell right?-, the sound system sucked, the rest of the people in the theatre were GOLDEN OLDIES.
and they BURB, and YAWN sooo loudly.
the worse part? throughout the movie there were like ching chong songs blasting from their phones.
i swear they are like DEAF. they don't ever realise that it's their phone that is ringing.

and this auntie talked as if the whole world needed to know that she bought a fish that morning.
SPEAK UP. CHINA DIDN'T HEAR YOU.

so yes...they told me that the movie was in chinese so i thought maybe i could still understand.
and sheereen came along too so i wouldn't be the only one who doesn't understand chinese!

but noooooooooo.........70% of the show was in hokkien!
i like totally didn't understand it!
my eyes were like glued to the subtitles half the time!

but the show was ok i guess....i did get the storyline though my periferal vision wouldn't cover the rest of the screen while i was struggling to read the subtitles put up for the ant community.

and anyways...as usual jayne didn't know how to get home.
thank god i suggested the we follow her discreetly to the bus stop or else she would have taken a bus from the wrong direction.
silly girl...we told her it was the bus stop AFTER the train station soooo many time and she still thought it was the one before.
and that girl thought timbaktu was a part of singapore.

(on jayne getting lost)
me: if you take the bus from this side you'll end up in timbaktu.
jayne: oh...you mean in this direction it goes to timbaktu? where's that?

oh and we've got this new relief teacher for chinese because tan chee boon's away for reservist (photocopying papers we presume..HAHAHAHA :))
and she's crazy la...when i speak in english, she doesn't understand.
when i speak in chinese, she still thinks i'm speaking in english!

(imagine this convo in chinese)
me: so can this phrase also be used in this context where (blah blah blah)
teacher: wait wait wait...can you not speak in english?
me: BUT I'M SPEAKING IN CHINESE!!!

hahahahahaha...i swear the group of us sitting together nearly died laughing.